Sunday Apologies.

If you didn't check out the pictures from yesterday there at the bottom of the last post. Good stuff.

Today I searched out a game of Ultimate here in Christchurch. Good stuff. I then walked 7km to find the church for sunday evening services. I didn't find it :( But I did find Burger King! :) Frisbee is great, no matter where I go if there's a game I'm usually welcome.

I was thinking on my way back about some stuff that happened a while ago but still sort of bothers me. I need to apologize to some people. Specifically to Luke D, Colby B, Jordan W, Brett J, and Whit J. At one point or another I was pretty angry with you. Instead of saying something was bothering me I just kept it in.

During our frisbee days I use to regularly get mad at one, if not all, of you. I apologize for that and any crappy behavior that came with it.

I think that's why Luke didn't get a card that one year. Sorry.

Paul "What a lame post, but its my blog and I'll cry if I want to" Murphy

Pictures and video are in and thoughts on casinos (just scroll to the bottom if you don't want to read the random garbage)

I remember when Georgia first decided to open up the Georgia Lottery. As a lottery has gone GA has done a fairly excellent job with making sure the money gets to where it should go. Some states haven't, like Texas.

Dad use to go buy a lottery ticket every-now-and then. He would usually only buy one. Sometimes he'd get three and let us bubble in our birthdays for the winning numbers. Dad never won.

I also remember Mom and Dad going to a casino in Aruba. Mom played the slots. Mom was always happy playing $5 worth of nickel slots. Dad went to the roulette table and placed a few lucky bets. We ate his $15 of winnings in ice cream later that night. Dad also use to go to Vegas on buisness trips. He'd come back with good stories about watching some guy lose $2000 in half an hour. But dad used all of this to teach a lesson.

Lesson 1. you don't win the lottery. period. Dad figured he could either buy a candy bar or a lottery ticket. The candy bar went towards his cholesterol numbers and the lottery ticket went toward education. So most fridays he went with the ticket. I think sometimes he went with both.

Lesson 2. Roulette. When you go into a casino know your odds. Your going to lose. They don't power all the fancy lights in Vegas with the guys who walk out with winnings. If you gamble, be sure you plan on losing that money. Dad would sometimes play roulette and see how long he could play on $20. It was never about winning, just burning time and having fun. He got to where he could last about 3 hours on $20.

I've taken heed of Dad's advice. Twice I've walked into a casino with $25 to see how long I could play. My target was to beat Dad's 3 hour mark. The first time I made it 15 minutes.

Roulette is the Murphy game of choice. 36 spots on the wheel and one 0. Sometimes there's 00. Some bets are simple, others more complicated. Numbers, odd, even, red, black, and 1/3's are the simple ones. All except for the numbers carry relatively decent odds. 1:1 payouts for odd/even red/black and 1:2 for the 1/3's (each bet covers 1/3 of the board). I've found that idiots bet on numbers, corners and inbetween lines. I've watched many a player loose serious cash betting on scrambled numbers. 1/36 that the ball will hit your number with a 1:35 payout. Big gamble=big payout. But dad taught me to play for time not money. So I've bet the higher odds, simpler bets.

The first time I lasted 15 minutes. That is before I worked my $15 into $60, more than enough to cover the price of the room I slept in that night and the Dr. Pepper I was originally searching for. Tonight I went into another casino. Armed with $25. The roulette table was empty. I initially placed three bets; red, 25-36, and the first line. $15. The ball landed on 32(?) A red number on the first line between 25-36. I placed two more bets. Black 25-36. $10. The ball hit 26 black. Solid. But once again I couldn't beat my dad's record 3 hours. I walked away.

Its important to remember there's only one guaranteed way of winning in a casino. Don't play. Go in and watch some asian guy drop $2000 on long odds. Honestly the roulette people have pretty good control over the wheel and ball. I watched one guy who didn't like doing the math hit the easiest spot to calculate the winnings on the board 3 times in a row. They try and spot numbers. On both occasions I was being set up. I was just smart enough to walk away when I was ahead.

Oh here are the pictures I got developed from the trip so far.

And me bungy jumping off the Nevis high wire. Jumping with 440ft of air beneath me. All total I fell something like 400 ft or so. CRAZY!!!

Ready for flight

Apparently my blogs have been so great hardly anyone else has done so. Michelle hasn't put anything up since before xmas. Paulo since the 11th. Whit for a few days. And so on and so forth. What a lame phrase.

I made my way down to Queenstown. Its like the Aspen of NZ. The mountains still have snow. Today I watched the second LoTR movie then went outside and looked around like, "hey that was in the background." I also got to play a solid game of Futball. I was sucking wind for the first 30 minutes just getting use to exercise in at a higher altitude. Tomorrow I gear up and make it to the Nevis Highwire bungy jump. Yeah. Like 108 meters. Thats like falling for a football field. More fun. Last night I watched a guy lose about $1000 at a roulette table in under an hour. Crazy.

I completely blew my $9 food budget today. I cooked a solid steak mashed potatoes and green beans meal for myself. It was cheaper than going out at $15NZ. That's like $11 US. Solid work for a good dinner. Tomorrow night I might try for a dinner for two. 1533 days is a while. holy cow, time really gets away from you.

Paul "surely there are some budget strapped backpacker redhead ladies in this town" Murphy

Awwwwwwesome

Today I went Iceclimbing on the Fox Glacier. I picked up a pair of ice tools, some mountaineering boots, and crampons and headed out onto the glacier with a guide. It was stinking amazing. Fantastic. At first it didn't feel right; holding on the the wall with just the front points of your crampons, but by the end of the day it was like third nature. It took me a while to realize that its 80/20 legs/arms not 20/80 legs/arms. I took some pictures with my fuji film disposable. Alltogether we spent about 6 hours out on the glacier picking away at icewalls and cravasses. I think I'll find time to go iceclimbing again. Need to buy gear.



It has to rank up there with flyfishing in AK, my first SCUBA in Cozumel, shore diving on the big island of Hawaii, and holding hands with that girl I almost chundered on.

Paul "goin' on ebay later today" Murphy

Kudos and Extinction

Well I got on ferry this morning and transfered to the south island. Ferries are cool. Especially car ferrys. Honestely I was a little offset by riding on a car ferry. Apparently they sink quite fast and people die. Anywhoo. Sorry about the spelling I've been forced to use IE. Grrrr.

In other news I went to a movie the other night in Taupo with Lee the Irishman. Cool cat. Apparently during the movie there was a decent earthquake about 180 km to our east. Go figure.

Today I jumped off the bus in Nelson. I went to a singing service at the Nelson Church of Christ. Good folks over there and I recommend you stop by if you're in town. It was a xmas carol singing service, and I hate xmas carols. But not tonight. Something was a little different. I guess it was the firm realization that I'm thousands of miles away from family and friends for Christmas this year, and the closest thing I had was the congregation here in Nelson. Kudos to them they were incredibly hospitable and had a good looking, sweet, red haired coC girl who apparently teaches highland dance. Solid.

I was faced a few months ago with an article in National Geographic that said my kind (people with red hair) will be extinct in 100 years. Ever since then I've had this internal nagging to continue my rare pedigree. But how do you start a conversation like that? Hey we should hook up because... you know... we're going extinct and stuff.... No. So now we will come up with the top 10 pick-up lines for keeping the red hair going. I'll try to keep them Mimi appropriate.

10. Have you seen Ice Age 2? Because I think you're like that mammoth...

9. Hey sweety, lets say you and me fight natural selection together.
(these aren't good. I need some help)

8. I want to grow old and die of skin cancer with you. ( we make vitamin D more efficiently which in turn leads to higher skin cancer cases in sunny climates)

7. Hey baby, you want to go lay out on the beach and get a sun burn. (most of us are quite pasty)

6. Lets role play; this time you have to be Andy Richter...

5. You want to play "connect the dots" on eachother?

4. Can I rub sunscreen on your face?

3. Hey sweety, how 'bout you come over here and we can start mixing alleles.

2. Can I be your pasty Ricky Ricardo?

1. Lets start a bonfire

Paul "I hope I get on the right busses tomorrow" Murphy

Story and Broken

Forgot this great story. So there are several bus companies that run through NZ that are private backpacker oriented buses. I'm on the Stray bus with Mori the post hippy surfer NZ'er. Anyways he makes fun of his competition buses, but knows most of the drivers as they probably see each other quite a bit as there is only so much to see in one place. Anyways we're driving down the road and Mori spots a Kiwi Experience bus coming in the opposite direction. So Mori calls for everybody to go to flash the other bus as we past it. He hollers for people to come to the front. We all just laughed and sat there. So as the Kiwi experience bus passed us Mori lifted his shirt along with a younger Dutch guy. We laughed some more. Mori then told us we sucked for not flashing the other bus. At that point the 61 year old lady pipes up and informs us that she too flashed the other bus. Ewwww! I almost chundered on the cute girl I was "holding hands" with. That story is entirely true expect for the last phrase.

Broken
Riding along the bus and watching people interact in foreign places with foreign people has brought something I've been thinking about into full light. The brokenness of People. By broken I'm talking about the incompleteness that is evident in many peoples lives. Not necessarily some religious aspect but something else. I think a lot, make that most, people don't think of themselves as complete. They think something is missing, that they are not good enough in one way or the other. We all deal with this feeling of brokenness to one degree or anther.

To be whole, complete. Nobody is perfect. But what is it about some people that seems like they are complete? There are some people out there that... that... seem to have it together. They don't readily think of themselves as lacking in any way. Not just a confidence issue but something else. I like to think I'm slowly making my way to being complete. But how?

Everybody has trash, crap, junk in their lives. Some of it is their own fault, some of it was caused by something, someone, else. Everybody has a little brokenness in their lives. There's no getting around it. Like the bumper sticker says "'Stuff' happens." And sometimes that stuff hurts and breaks us, emotionally. Being broken emotionally leaves us two choices, maybe more, but two for now.

Choice one is to ignore the broken part of us and seek acceptance from others. This is what I've seen on my trip. People yearning for acceptance. Incomplete people that mask their brokenness by other avenues. Its really visible in guy/girl interactions. Two broken people trying to fill some missing void of brokenness by... by... other means. Its the mutual crutch. You lean on me and I'll lean on you. But we all know what happens when you lean two things against each other. It only takes a slight movement to knock everything down. The yearning that broken people feel leads them to yearn for acceptance, in sometimes self-destructive ways.

As a guy looking for dates/relationships/whatever one thing I've keyed in on is brokenness and how a person deals with it. It's completely unattractive. Maybe its attractive to others, but not me. Maybe really broken people find other really broken people for some fleeting feeling of acceptance.

Choice two is a better choice. Choice two involves addressing the brokenness directly. Sometimes I feel inadequate because... You fill in the blank. Recognize the issue and deal with it directly, not by looking for verification from other people that your O.K. It shouldn't matter what other people think, and if that's your standard then your doomed to fail. What should matter is what you think. I think I'm good enough.

I'm short. Ok I'm 23 and still have acne. Ok. One ear sticks out further than the other. Ok. My nose is comparable to Tom Cruise. Ok. Emotionally. I've been rejected and turned down. Ok. Does that mean there is something wrong with me? No. Does a teacup still crack when you drop it? Yup. But is the teacup any less useful because you super-glued it back? Nope. Just as good as new. Just as covering brokenness is incredibly unattractive, people who have dealt with it, acknowledged the crack, and super-glued the teacup of their life back together is freaking hot.

Just like an un-mended teacup doesn't work right; neither does an un-mended person. Its ok to have some cracks; we all do. But what's important is to recognize and repair them. Otherwise we wind up looking for verification of our wholeness from other sources than from within. And they don't work.

How do I know my cracked teacup is good enough and not something to be sold for 5 cents in a garage sale? Like an old poster in a preacher's office once proclaimed, "Because God doesn't make junk."

Word out.

Paul "I spent $10 on internet today" Murphy

Wellington

Named after the great Duke of Wellington Arthur Wellesly. I once wrote a huge paper on him. Now I'm in the town named after him. Wellington is most noted by his domination of Napoleon at Waterloo. Before that he was responsible for establishing a foothold in Portugal and Spain. Good stuff. Little Advice: Don't read history books by British authors. They try and use the longest sentences possible.

Everythings gravy right now. All my bookings have sorted out. Hope to go to Sunday evening sevices in Nelson tomorrow.

I love the Nomads backpacker hostel. Everytime I need a place to stay they've got room. They also offer a free meal so its Murphycheap as well. Yah for them. I ganked this picture of the crossing yesterday. They offered a midnight trip but I'd have to burn a day. Cool beans. My knee hurts a little. But its all gravy.

Today was good

First of all THDGs stayed in Taupo while I ventured on. We had a 6 (4) hour hike today on the tongariro(?) crossing. It was good. The elevation went from 600m to 1900m. So about a mile up. I got to see snow for the first time in a while. I touched it and played in it. I also completely dominated the rest of the group as far as speed on the hike. I also got to do a little rock climbing at one point for a better view of Mt. Doom. I looked for Dwight but he wasn't around. Good day. Tommorow is Wellington. Still paying for internet. I think I got all the booking stuff worked out. I have to take an extra bus on the 25th b/c the Stray busses aren't running. Although I specifically remember checking that on their web site. Ehh. Just another $45. The food budget is staying together pretty well. $9 US/ day. Ummm bread and bagels. Ehh good stuff.

Paul "I'll find some other acronymous ladies" Murphy

Quick notes
1. Paying for internet.

In the last few days I've been to Hahei (rich foreign tourist place like Bocca Raton FL). It was aight. the beach was alright. Nothing spectacular. I also learned a new card game from a couple of dutch girls (further reffered to as THDGs). Good stuff. We went to a hot water beach. Basically there were pools of hot thermal water if you dug in the sand. Also we stopped by a boutique winery for a quick taste. The next time I want fruit juice that tastes like someone put mouthwash in it I think I'll just do that...

Next day to Raglan. It supposed to be some sort of surf mecca for NZ. The water was flatter than... than... a glass of tea on the ground. It was a good hike. Also played some ping pong at the hostel.

Yesterday went to Waitomo. Did not pay for the caves. $112 to go to a cave and see some luminescent worms. I did manage to find a new lunch. Full cream milk (1030 calories) and bread (1200 calories) all for about $5. Good stuff. Today I'll eat fast food in Taupo. I'm in Rotorua currently. Nothing to yell about. It smells like sulfur b/c of the thermal activity. More hotwater pools.

I bought a cheap disposable cammera. 27 pictures. Yeah.

Paul "I'm going to go hang with THDGs now" Murphy

Trip to New Zealand
Day 1 and 2

So for the next three weeks I'm in New Zealand touring the countryside. But like any Murphy vacation it's bound to become a disaster at some point. Friday started poorly. After school let out at noon I started rushing around getting everything ready. I had to pack all my stuff and I threw it in my truck so Philip wouldn't have to worry about it. And its my stuff.

I also needed to print off my itenerary, exchange money at the bank, pack my bags, and make a run to the post office to be angry that my box wasn't there. Sorry mom, the box didn't make it in time which is really sad. So I ran to the bank to deposit a check. The Tafuna branch didn't do the exchange thing so I had to go to the main branch in town. Another line another half hour of waiting. My flight was leaving at 5:40. So I got my currency exchanged then ran into a 3mi long traffice jam on the island. It took me another hour and a bit to get home. By that time it was 4:00- need to be at the airport. Pack quick and run.

Make my flight and get to W. Samoa to board the plane for NZ. No problems there just a quick layover and more waiting. The plane ride was cold. Now maybe a 76 F cabin doesn't sound cold but it is when you haven't had anything below 80 in a year. So I didn't sleep much on the plane and it got into Auckland aroun 1:30am Sunday (today). I went to immigration- the guy asked me for my return ticket. I didn't have the itenerary printed off (t-jam). So I got flagged by immigration and had to wait for everything to get straightened out.

Then onto customs. I hate customs forms. Always the same. No fruit. No cigarettes. No alcohol. blah blah blah. Backpaking tent? Umm yes but it hadn't been used in a while. I'll check no. I put my bag through the scanner and on its appearing at the other end the lady asked me if I had any "football boots" in the bag. I did and agreed.

"Are they new?"
"No, about a year and a half old."
I was just confused about why she was interested in my soccer cleats. I know; they are fashionable. (I plan on playing a few games of disc while down here).
Apparently she wasn't admiring my Addidas red, green, and black cleats but I was supposed to declare them on the customs form. It was under the tent on the list. I didn't see it. So they let me off with a warning after scrubbing my cleats down to remove the grass and dirt stuck on the bottom. Ooops.

Slept in the airport. It was cold too so I didn't get much shut-eye. This morning I stowed my luggage where I'm staying and hiked off to church. I'd found a church of christ on the web. Sweet. So I started hiking in the general direction the google map had told me three days ago. My memory isn't great. I eventually (after 1.5 hours and 4 miles) asked directions from a chinese laudrymat couple.

"Oh its just down the road. It should only take you about 10 minutes... to drive it."
nuts. Another 3 miles or so down the road. By this time it was getting close to 10, the universal start time of all CoC. I arrived 30 minutes early (I started walking about 7am). But wait. They didn't start till 11. I knew something was fishy. So I burned another 1.5 hours. Church was cool. It wasn't a real CoC but a New Zealand brand completely independent. They sat me next to Michael, a single twenty-something guy. We chatted before service and it was a contemporary service. I fell asleep multiple times during the 40 min sermon. No sleep last night. I felt bad. Church let out at 12:30.

I began my trek back to the hostel. Luckily they built the southern hemisphere's tallest building about 6 blocks from it so navigating back wasn't difficult.

Today I meant to do two things I use to enjoy that I no longer get on the island. There was pick-up frisbee at a park. I never found it. So I got to enjoy the other thing I've missed. Scoping cute chicks. I've missed girls that are shorter and weigh less than me. Its a beautiful sight.

tommorow I get on the bus and travel somewhere else.

Paul "I miss white chicks" Murphy

I'm insane with anger (ok just disappointed)

It's busy so maybe I'm just intolerant right now. But here we go.

I was browsing through the Christian Chronicle when I found this little gem of an article. Maybe I shouldn't read the Chronicle any more.

Dr. Wilson has some interesting stuff to say about singing in church.

1. Examine the texts of the music we’re using. This is a highly emotional area where differences of opinion will occur, but if everyone agrees that a particular hymn text is poorly written or has nothing significant to say, why should we use that text in our worship? This may also force us to look at texts that have only one thing to say, over and over again, and decide if there is a better text to use.

2. Get a music professional involved in looking at the music we sing. We expect our preachers and ministers to have a college degree; our musicians should have a similar background. At the least, find a musician in the community who’s willing to evaluate the hymn arrangements and separate the wheat from the chaff. We all appreciate those who have good hearts and the willingness to lead, but some training is absolutely required.

3. Look for good music that is well written. Don’t assume that if it’s in the hymnbook, it must be good. Publishers are primarily in the business of selling. When a new piece of music becomes popular, a publisher’s job is to get hymn arrangements available as soon as possible. This doesn’t always lead to great arrangements. Look for the good ones. Avoid the bad ones.

The bottom line is that we shouldn’t be satisfied with presenting music to God that is less than the best we have to offer.

Congregational singing doesn’t have to be a concert, but it should be the best we can make it. We must teach our members the difference between music appropriate for private enjoyment and music suitable for public worship.

We must learn the difference between individual pleasure or having fun, and the corporate effort of worshiping God. New music should be included with older, more traditional hymns, but only music that is worthwhile and well written.

GARY P. WILSON is director of choral activities and associate professor of music at Lipscomb University in Nashville, Tenn. A member of the Smith Springs church in Antioch, Tenn., he earned his doctorate in musical arts from the University of Nebraska.

Dec. 1, 2007

Okeydokey.

Examine the text of a song. Agreed. Especially in Samoa. Some of our members speak as much english as I speak spanish. Beulah land is out forever. All people that on Earth do dwell, Be not dismayed wher'er be tide, Come ye disconsolate, Here we are but straying pilgrims (oka! funny hats?), Kum by yah (#986), and almost anything else written before 1875 are all out. In fact I don't understand the words I'm tearing it out.

Songs that say the same thing over and over. Every song with a chorus is out. Ok maybe not. But what's wrong with a nice repetitive song? Don't the angels sing Holy holy holy is the Lord for like 10,000 years? Well I think I'll keep "How Great is our God." I don't give a load of poop if the song is repetitive; does it have meaning? That being said don't sing it EVERY time we meet.

A good music professional involved. Ok. I definitely think someone needs to be involved with the songs. Especially someone who can find solid songs, especially those not in the book. The problem with a good music professional is they like a professional sounding service. I've driven by a lot of Samoan churches that don't sound good musically, but the people are praising God with their hearts. So it sounds a whole heckuvalot better than we do with our four part harmony where everybody sings under their breath.

Look for music that is well written. Umm alrighty. Does it sound good? Well let me tell you if its complicated it won't. If is arranged for a chorus, chances are it sounds like crap at the Tafuna coC. (Lynn if you read the blog please stop singing "Beautiful" its not good. People don't sing not because they don't know they words, they just think it sounds horrible)

Find good arrangements. That gets an old-school Alvin "BEEEEBOOOOP!" Just sing the freaking song like you heard it on the radio. I'm sick of this music notation and people trying to complicate a good song. Just sing it from your heart, not the page.

Difference between music for individual pleasure and the corporate worship. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. I'm so angered by this statement I can't combat it. Here's what I heard, "don't sing songs that you hear on the radio that you like. God doesn't like that stuff. Its not coC." I dunno.

I guess I think that if you have a congregation that really enjoys singing four-part choral arrangements then that's what you should sing. We like singing at Tafuna, but not that. The same goes for camp. I don't think the 8-14 group sings in four part very well at Super Week. We shouldn't expect them to. Cut the quartet up front- sing the song- one or two parts. If people want to sing others- ok, but don't expect them to.

Paul "

Excitement

About a month ago Philip stated that he and Jaime were not missionaries. It's true of course because we all know missionaries have to have continual funding from outside sources. I think its something about some missionaries never building self-sufficient churches that doesn't fit in with the Murphycheap ideology. Or missionaries expecting others to support their venture. I think sometimes we forget that Paul was a tent-maker; maybe the ideal style for a missionary. At least its the Murphycheap ideal.

I can absolutely understand why Philip doesn't like the label. Missionaries are expected to write reports, take pictures of baptisms, and stay where they are. One thing I've found is that missionary reports can lend themselves to a little bit of "magic resume" type wording. Stated: Worked for Fortune 500 company More correctly: cleaned bathrooms at McD's. The same thing is true with newsletters. You want a report? I should makeup a song to the tune of 12 days of x-mas. ...three school fights, two incarcerations, and a family with a teen pregnancy. That's our Thursday night group.

Second great reason. Vacation. Missionaries don't get good vacations. Jaime and the kids will be home this xmas, and maybe this summer. I'm getting real excited about my trip to New Zealand this break. 21 days total. Last night I booked my ice climbing on the Franz Joseph glacier and my Nevis Highwire Bungy jump. Nevis (134meters) is the third highest commercial bungy in the world. They take you out over a canyon in a gondola and push you out!! Fun stuff right there. The rest of the time I'll be eating PBJ's, Lunchables (pizza), Gourmet Hotdogettes (Vienna Sausages), and whatever I can find to cook on a fire next to my tent. Some nights I'll stay in a hostel dorm, but I prefer the Murphycheap campsite when available. I've got my backpack, tent, headlamp, alarm clock (bus leaves at 8am!?), sleeping bag, and my books should be in this week. Sweetness.

Paul "somebody at the post office ganked my MP3 player so tunes are questionable" Murphy

A Lawyer and a Doctor

There are some mistakes in life that you'll just make. Some are completely unforeseeable. Other mistakes we tend to mis because of some problem with our "mistake-0-vision." Sometimes mine is terrible. In comes the doctor and the lawyer.

When it comes to decent advice you can never go wrong with Philip or Josh. I decided to compile great lessons I've learned from the two of them over the years.

Make a friend who is bigger than and a lot of other people. People don't pick on you when you've got the biggest friend.

Don't take Mrs. Cockrel

Don't poke the dog with a broom

Don't turn your back on that goat

Don't touch the fence, its electric

But then there's the advice I didn't take and wish I would have later.

I wouldn't cut that; its poison ivy

Don't take Mrs. Whatsherface for typing or accounting

You might want to call the government office up first

All of this I did then regretted later. I've think I've finally learned to do what Josh and Philip say. They probably know something I don't.

Nap time

So I've got not much to do right now b/c colt is reading a book and philip is sleeping. I guess I could continue to plan my trip to New Zealand, but there's not a lot to plan. Eat cheap- go walk around for a while- wake up - get on the bus and find somewhere to eat cheap. By the way if anyone wants to jump aboard with me it'll be great fun....

I figured I'd just share a favorite bored website of mine. Sometimes in times like these I go to the amazing Thinkgeek. What other place can you find a knife with flint fire started and a USB drink chiller. In fact it may be the most useless website ever. Nobody really needs any of the stuff, but it's all so cool.

Who the heck needs "Pirate vs. Ninja" AA batteries? Nobody, and that is why they're cool. The Annoy-a-tron (micro gadget that emits a horrible noise that you stash under "that guy" in your offices desk) is completely dumb. But then again I need a way to get back at "that guy."

USB Rocket launcher?! SWEET! although perfectly useless after the first two days of fun.

Now nobody Needs a virtual laser keyboard but it is freeking cool.

Do I need a Titanium Spork? No. Do I want a Titanium Spork? Yes, yes I do.

Caffeinated Lip balm doesn't help cold sores, but it should be a completely worthwhile waste of $3

How many times have you needed a crossover cable to link your xboxen? The crossover keychain turns any CAT-5 cable to crossover. Fan-tastic.

So if you're shopping this Christmas for the unshoppable person, you might want to try some stupid gadget from Thinkgeek. Just remember they won't use whatever you get them anyways, so at least get them something their friends will envy while not being used.

Paul "please don't get me any of this junk" Murphy