One of my best and longest friends, Mark Grayson, just kicked me out of his wedding. Mark and I have lived through thick and thin for the last 12, no 14, no 17 YEARS. We spilled blood together, looked for Timmy Boerste together, gone down class 5 rapids together, and now... What did I ever do to deserve this?

1992: Called Mark Stupid
1994: Forced Mark to play hours of "Airplane"
1995: Got Mark in trouble during Wed. night Bible class
1999-2003: Never went to a single Mark Grayson Basketball game
2002: Fell on top of Mark while whitewater rafting
2002: Hit Mark in the privates with a rock, it was neither small nor slow
2003: Completely embarassed Mark in front of a girl he really liked
2003: Used Mark's cell phone to make prank calls
2004: Almost got Mark arrested in a freak "for sale" sign incedent
2006: Made a Lindsey joke at DK's wedding (it was brilliant) (that doesn't look.. if you forgot)
2003-2007: Made fun of Mark for dating a girl three years younger then him. (Are we going to sing "rock-a-bye baby" for the final song at the wedding?)


Paul "Demoted" Murphy

Blog issues

So I've been thinking about this whole blogging revolution going on. And honestly, why does Paul Murphy keep a blog? I've noticed that tons of people start a blog then quit, why? And who the reads this sorry blog anyway?

1. Who reads this blog anyway? Well about 30 people every day check the ole' blog. Most of the reader come from the US with a American Samoa coming in second and a few from New Zealand and somebody from Turkey (who could it be???). Oh and a Canadian!? Fair enough. Most of the hits come from a Georgia (30). Second is Arkansas (10) and New Jersey (10). There are a few places where I can pretty much tell who is visiting, like Jeremy Stoneburner from Ohio, SMK in Ely Nevada, or cousin David and Katie in Hawaii. Some are a little trickier like the hits I get from Texas. Sometimes from Austin sometimes from Plano and other places. Then there are the hits that scare me a little. Like the Bosier City, LA that's been coming for a while. Or Mountain Laurel, NJ. Blackville, SC and Hendersonville, TN also are a little strange. I'm not sure I know anyone in a lot of these places, but your welcome to drop by anytime.

2. Why do people quit blogging? Because they stink. I don't really know, I guess because of the lack of feedback or something. It is sad when you go to some blogs (caugh: Brett Morris) and see that only his wife and mother ever comment. I enjoy new people commenting, that way I don't have to always read Jason's anonymous notes.

3. Why the blog? This blog doesn't really add any credibility or cool points to Paul Murphy. In fact it probably make everyone realize what an idiot he is and that he spells at a fourth grade level. Also the blog lets me "interact" with friends. Another good reason for the blog is it lets me vent and work out issues. The problem, and reason for the entire post, is that some major issues I'd like to think out can't go on the blog. Today I had an issue become more clear and pressing. Now I could hop on here and say _______, but then I sound like I'm complaining. I also might come across as needy, and I don't like needy. I'm more of the Simon and Garfunkel "I am a rock" idea. I like the idea of being completely self-sufficient, which I hopefully will be in another two years. It sucks not being able to take care of yourself. I've got a lot of what I'll call collectible assets out. Ie my house, the jeep, and rent. Basically stuff people are covering for me. It makes me think about the prudence (insert Dana Carvey impersenation of G. Bush) taking a low paying job out of college that puts me below the poverty line. After the whole thing I've found myself between a rock and a hard place.

Paul "They flipped the Negative" Murphy

Yah I thought something was wrong with the picture and yes they did flip the negative.

More dumb stories

I don't like hospitals. I just don't think most things require a visit to the hospital. Now I'm not a complete idiot when it comes to going to the hospital, but its close. I just know that I'll be one of those people thats like, "Hey doc, I've had this think growing out of my _______ (skull) for the past three months. It really hurts and sometimes I black out."

Doc- That would be brain cancer.

Me- Oh. That sucks.

For thousands of years we haven't had hospitals and people survived lots of junk. Phineus Gage had a railroad spike through his head; no hospital. Andrew Jackson had at least one lead pistol ball in his body at the time of his presidency. William Wallace was shot by an arrow in the neck and still lead the Scotts. They didn't go to the hospital, things just worked themselves out.

I've been to the hospital three times in the past, oh, twenty years. Each time for stiches. There have probably several times that I should have gone. Like when I jacked my ankle and almost passed out/ threw up. Apparently you should go to the doctor and get casts for that sort of ankle sprain; not go play in volleyball tournaments two days later. Especailly if you can't run/jump. I just have an issue with Health Insurance in that 1. I'm not covered and 2. Why do I have to pay if I have insurance? Isn't that the purpose of Insurance? I HATE the small amounts of dealings I've had to do with health insurance. It seems that I always screw up and dad winds up on the phone with someone for six hours getting them to agree to cover the procedure, or the hospital tries to bill us forever for a procedure insurance is supposed to cover. I think I just will keep not going to the hospital that way I don't have to deal with the huge hassel that is the American Healthcare system.

Paul Murphy, American Samoa

Kathy Lee and Me

So this quarter I decided for art I would teach the 5th and 6th graders to sow. Now I'm not an expert on sowing but I can hold my own... pants together for a few weeks. Being away from mom and her first credit-card purchase sowing machine (circa. 1982) made me re-learn how to sow. Now back when I spent countless summer hours at home during elementary school mom would have us do little projects. On of those was learning how to sow, both by hand and the sowing machine. I am now taking what little I remember and instilling it into a bunch of 11 and 12 year olds.
Our class is having a play for the upcoming "Arts Festival." Our wonderful music teacher came up with a musical play for my class to perform. It is about the creation of the Constitution. I decided to integrate our sowing into the upcoming play. So now I've got my students making shirts and jackets. It's a real hassel trying to teach 14 students how to cut a propper sleave. Today it got really hot in the classroom and I started sweating alot while frantically trying to get all the sleaves at least started.
That's when I realised I had a bunch of 11 and 12 year olds sowing shirts. I chuckled to myself. I just hope the media doesn't come after me like they did Kathy Lee Gifford. "Honestly I didn't know that making children sow in the hot tropics was social foepa' or even against child labor laws."

Paul "There are no anemics in sweatshops" Murphy

Pressure...

I love pressure. I work best under pressure. It's what seperates the Hobbyist from the Pros.

One thing I really admire about myself is my ability to work under pressure. Always. Now the current job I have doesn't really let me utilize this special tallent very often, so I have to give myself the opportunity. In college I always thrived under the pressure of deadlines and build-up. Some of my best papers were written within the few days before a duedate. Now that doesn't mean I waited until then to get started as there was ussually lots of research involved. I became a beast at cranking out the daybefore paper. Averaging 1page/hour wasn't uncommon. I always enjoyed doing the majority of my work under pressure.

I also loved the pressure of games. There is really nothing like having only a few seconds to make an entire game worth the effort. In frisbee I loved the pressure of the big tournaments. I loved getting the disc. I loved the pressure of defense, the idea that you had to react to whatever the offense gave you; which meant you had to be quicker and smarter to "d" a 6'5" opponent (his name is Carl Doege, and yes).

Today I was playing golf when some Samoans waiting in front of me asked me to join. I agreed. Now before I get to the story I would like to say something about being a minority. Being a minority kinda stinks. It also means its easy to make a fool of yourself and get laughed at. So I stink at golf and wasn't playing well, but since I joined these guys the pressure was on. I had to do well. We were on hole 8 (par 5) when the first two guys took their drives. The first one cranked his straigt down the middle (stink!). The second hooked his into the abbutting hedgerow. So I get up there and know I have to perform. 240yds later my ball landed in the middle of the fairway just short of the first guys. I went on to have a great 3w and pitch. I ended up 2in short of an incredibly rare birdy, but I still bested them.


Paul "Foooorrrrrrrre" Murphy

...where will we land

First of all this is a useless post. Mainly I plan on getting my puss-filled scab off the front page. You never know when company might drop in :). Secondly I feel that since my slack engaged brother doesn't post jack that I should pick up the slack.

Before I had this crummy blog I use to just send e-mails to people. That way they didn't have to check for updates, they just got them. Also i got to choose who saw my infected scabs and whatnot. So todays blog comes from another email.

American consumerism continues to fascinate me. We like to think our lives are fast-paced and that we don't have time ot waste, and yet we spend forty trillion hours watching tv. I may not have time to open a can of soup manually so I bought an electric can-opener but don't ask me to do anything next sunday evening because its gonna be the season finale of desperate housewives (remember this is two years old). I've always wodnered how some of these dumb products make it onto tv and do people actually buy them? But then...
I was making myself some chocolate milk yesterday and somebody had bought the chocolate syrup in a can instead of the squese bottle. Besides that its much harder to drink directly from the can it takes a lot longer to pour the syrup. Then I thought, "somebody should make a device to hold the can of syrup so I can go do other things (like not work on my house (which still needs to be finished (I think I'll spend next summer doing that)))." Thats when I realized why people try to sell a pot that has a collinder lid attachment. As if I don't have the time to get the collinder out, put it in the sink and pour my spaghetti into it.

(then some stuff about working on the house and church personality tests blah blah blah...)

It was also in this email that I determined I couldn't have a relationship until I finished my crummy house. I have a house by the way. It just needs a lot of work. Still. It does make sense that the last "relationship" I had was before we bought the house.
(continued)

And thats when I realized that I already have a bad relationship, its called (the House) stupid house. Does that mean that when I finish the house I can have a bad relationship? New pickup line for fall semester- I don't have a house. The old one never worked anyway. Maybe I should have been hitting on 35 year old divorced women and that one might have worked (old pickup line: Hey, I have a house. It sucked). "Hey did you hear Phil Collins is coming out with some new stuff." At least they might appreciate my future "Air Supply" tatu. That or "Ah-Ha can Take on Me"
I digress. And maybe end

We're talking away
I don't know what I'm to say
I'll say it anyway
Today's another day to find you
Shyning away
I'll be coming for your love, OK?

Take on me, take me on
I'll be gone
In a day or two

Paul Murphy
I can still hit the two, but not as well as Shuan Snyder.
I appologize for the waste of time that this email was
Maybe you should have bought an electric canopener to streamline your life to give you more time.

Suggestions???

First of all I would like to start out with telling everyone about this great new exercise program I've discovered. So don't buy that Chucknorris powerslide or a bowflex just yet.

I know that everyone would like to be a little more fit. Building muscle is a way to reduce fat and burn more calories. Exercise is essential to a healthy lifestyle. Now I know what you are all thinking, "How much is this great new plan going to cost me?" (at least that's what Murphy's think) Well I've got news for you, not only is this plan effective but it's also Murphycheap.

This is what you do. Go to your car and locate the battery, something even a complete idiot should be able to. But Paul, what if I can't find the battery on my car? Well then you should go cut your... cease calling yourself a man and this workout isn't for you. You don't need more muscle you need more brain, and I don't have anything for that. Locate the possitive (+) cable, its ussually red. Follow this cable to your starter. Now, using a socket set, either disconect your starter, or just take it completely out! What you have is now the "Paul Murphy weight set" for much less than any competitors price! Now all you have to do is push your car to start it. Too hard? Well start with some friends! Too easy? Start parking facing uphill or in the grass (where beafy guys like me park)! As a bonus you can now buy that old car that your wife said would take too much work. For a specailty single out a carmaker and move up! Personally I would pick AMC. You can start with that dream AMC Pacer for an easy push! Once you've mastered that move on up to the Gremlin. Already done that uphill in the snow? The beauty of AMC is they were also responsible for the AMC Hummer. I choose the speacial armored addition for extra weight.

Try It TODAY!!!

In other news I would like to ask a question of my many medical and medical related proffesional friends.

Does this look infected to you???

I touched my shin bone through it.

Paul "Mr. Immature" Murphy

Unconquered (an Otis Redding style of clarification)

So the last post was solidly about church being to fruffy (def. girly; pink). I think I put some valid arguments forward that church has become girly. (thought interupted by involuntary erasage of a paragraph) I realise that there are girly aspects of church. Of a (girly words italics) relationship with God. I recognize Psalms as being, mostly, David's longing after God's heart. I acknowledge the emotional side of Christianity.

At the same time I think it is also important to reacknowledge the stronger side of the Jesus' teaching. 1. Jesus liked a challenge (He chose a gov. officiall and a zealot to be in his possy) 2. Jesus was in your face (...eat my body and drink my blood...) 3. Jesus brought out the big stick (whipped people out of the temple... single handedly) Its time to throw out the old paintings of a long-haired, soft skinned, white, doe-eyed Jesus. He was a freaking carpenter who hung out with stinky fishermen, and if I had one word to describe Jesus' ministry it would be (manly words in bold) Courageous.

He had the Courage to come down to an unholy place. He had the courage to get in people's faces. He faced adversity; he faced down satan in the desert. He healed on the Sabath. He defied the "authorities." He talked to prostitutes in front of his friends. He hung out with uncool and social rejects and it didn't hurt his "street cred," "image," or "reputation." Talk about courage. Ultimately he took on torchure in front of his best friends and his mother for a crime he did not commit. To make that statement greater he knew about it beforehand and decided to go BTTWall anyway.

Jesus was Courage. But that one word cannot describe his ministry. If I had two words to describe Jesus it would be Courageous and Love.

My church went through the Wild at Heart series a few years ago. A lot of people have misinterpreted this series to be about buy a motorcycle or going camping in a loin clothe. BEEEBOOOOP as Alvin would say. It's about courage and the loss of it among men at church. Men in church today have lost, or never gained, their courage. We're afraid to talk to people about God, afraid to get in their faces about it. We're afraid to get our hands dirty. What will people think? We don't want to be inconsiderate. We don't want to make people think. We don't want to loose our reputation. We don't want to cause a commotion. That was exactly what Eldridge was talking about. Our loss of courage. His book was a suggestion on how to possibly remedy it. It wasn't about taking up rock climbing, but more about guys like Chris Morton who moved to San Antonio to work with homeless people. That's courage. Who wants to work with stinky homeless people? What would that do to his reputation?

All this to say I like the principles driving Wild at Heart. It takes courage to be a good christian. I think it probably takes courage to be a good father or husband too. Some girls don't like the princess analogy, but it's true. If a guy never asked you out there's no way you'd wind up together. I also like the idea of GodMen. It looks to be like PK but on steroids. Besides women have started showing up to PK meetings (not cool). Aight I'm out.

Paul "google the title" Murphy

Picture by Jeff Widener. Tianamen Square protest.

Church may be for girls (not the orginal title) (Audi Partem Altarem)

As I began pondering this thought a few nights ago I had a firm idea that church was for girls. Church has gotten fruffy. Lets start with the scenary. Flowers up on stage- girly. Curtains in front of the baptistry-girly. Purlple on the cross- ehh a stretch, but feministic. Our implements of communion are stached in shiny nice looking vesseles, except for the N.A. coC which have manly hand-crafted wood-shop style trays. Also think about all the conversations about the carpet color being outdated, the building not having an apealing exterior, and the constant remodeling of the women's bathroom. I thought church was the true place of equality, but not if you've ever walked into the women's bathroom compared to mens. I don't make this a habit but it happens. (Wow there's no making that sound right). umm Fruffy. Right. Sense when did we need padded pews or new "welcome" mats.

Next, lets examine the order of worship. We sing songs about love and embraces. And don't get me started on Amazing Love. We water down our language with fruffyness. We talk about Adoring; what's adorable about manly stuff. Nothing. By the way, what's adorable about crucifixtion. We've invented the "Worship Service." Frankly I think, wait, know we abuse the term worship. First of all I think what many people reffer to as a worship service is really a praise service. It seems that worship is more related to a sacrifice, like old-school cows and whatnot. Paul (the wiser) said that offering our bodies... was our worship. Which brings me to point 3a

Worship style. I am tired of the same old worship style. I'm not talking about whether we sing Luther songs or Michael W. Smith, I don't really care. I'm talking about our canned style of Sunday morning "worship." Apart from the offering basket (which moves faster than a skateborad at the X-games), I don't see anybody making real sacrifices on Sunday morning during the sermon. Wait, yes there are. There are generally three to four people really "worshiping" during the service. The ladies (or gentelmen) who are in the back coraling 16 kids, half who have ADHD. There's where the sacrifice or worship is. Christ didn't spend every Sabath waiting to be served by women, but taking it to the people, healing the sick, and offering his time.

I'm not saying we should ditch the current format, but maybe we should consider it. Also its easy to talk big but lets see if Paul Murphy can put his time where is fingers are (mouth is typing reference). So Sunday, May 19th will be Worship Sunday. I'm going to pick up trash on the side of the road, maybe people will see God's glory. If I see any homeless people I'll take them to lunch. It seems better than self-service church service. It also lacks any tainting of fruffyness as I will be getting my hands dirty, real dirty.


Paul "Better on Paper" Murphy

P.S. this is probably why I love Palmetto Bible Camp so much. It gives me an opportunity to serve in a manly way. I move 150 lb pews, run around coraling campers, and push little girls up a mountain (who, btw, drank all my water last time). Its a manly time of service.

Next post- It's not about the shotguns and grunting- more of the courageous part. Apolegitics of Wild at Heart and GodMen

Blog french dessert (etiqutte) and humor

I love my opinion, mainly because it is always right. I have the best opinion EVER and everybody should recognize that. That is until someone proves me wrong. I've begun reading lots of blogs (12?) and notice that not everybody recognizes my opinions superiority and supremicy.
Now the blogs of my friends I get and generally agree with, but there are lots of blogs I read that the people are wrong. Like Greg Kendall-Ball (Is this Jordan's brother?). This guy is nuts (or doesn't have any). Of course guys like guns and swords, why else would we go to church? That's why Judges is my favorite book. Good v. Evil. I always want to comment on his lame passifist/non-manly ideas and tell him how awful they are. (next post: how church is for girls)

Or this guy, Dr. Mark Elrod. Who goes to Lipscomb anyway? I also didn't know you could get a coC card and be a Democrat. I'm calling up his home congregation (Westside CoC) and having it revoked. Who questions Fred Thomson's validity? He is obviously CoC, have you seen Law & Order, he's always a hard nose. He's always throwing his Democratic propaganda out on the web, what a looser. Besides, he had me color a bunch of maps for his class. Gay. I should comment and tell him how stupid I think his ideas are. Stupid.

Blogging is revolutionizing the world. A hudred years ago if something was published it was probably true. Blogging has changed that. You can read more people's "published" work. In the end it is their opinion. Giving unconstructive comments and bashing is never taken very well. I like to call it "Terrorblogism." I myself have been a victim of such acts (check the October archives). I'm sure GKB and Dr. Elrod get enough people "hating" on their blogs, they don't need me telling them what my "superior" opinions are.

I LOVE this website. I think the whole idea is fantastic. I didn't initially until I got down to the mailbag part where 14 yo girls are complaining that American Idol might quit if that one dude wins. It makes me happy to see other people angry over stupid stuff. This might go on the "Three things that are ALWAYS funny list," teenage girls complaining about stupid stuff.


Paul "Blog Hater" Murphy

1. Old people falling
2. Girls that have made me angry getting fat
3. Babys falling

Good Friday : Bad Post

Bloggers Block

Well the fourth quarter is coming together well. In two weks we "get" to do your high-stakes testing. I really don't have anything against NCLB and testing to make sure students are learning what their supposed to learn. Some teachers say, "Well then you just teach to the test." Well if they're testing what the kids should know then you really should have been teaching to the test all along. I digress

Good things that happened this past week: I got today off. I delivered a cutting devo on circumcision (sarcasm). I have a one-year waranty on my starter I bought in October.

If some of those sound lame it also says something about the week.

We're starting to gear up for the summer around here. Witney is solidifying her plans to come out, we got names of the Sooners for Christ "Let's start talking" group, and I already have my ticket booked for my return flight. I've found that there are many things in life you can procrastinate about; plane tickets on a bi-weekly flight aren't one of those. (jab jab jab)

This post sucks I'm kinda angry, I didn't get out today.

So for a good story. Last year for spring break Doc Stew and I decided to go on a road trip. It started off great. Kev's wife and daugter took off for "Home" on friday. Kevin had to work and I had friday's off. But Kevin also needed to mulch his flower beds over spring break. So I grabbed his truck got some mulch and laid about 3cubic yards of mulch around his house so we could leave that night. Anyway before we left my crazy drug-addict neighbor came and bummed some money off me, as she was accostom to doing with my roomates and myself. Anyway after she had my $5 she asked me to drive her to a random appartment. I abliged to take her on her smack run. It wasn't the first time. Being an optomist I reasoned that it might not have been a nick sack delivery. Anyway, Kevin, Josh, and I went back-country camping on Cumberland Island. We loaded some backpacks with food and shelter and took off on our non-reserved trip. When we got to the island all of the easy spots had been taken, so the park ranger assigned us to a 8 mile hike to our campsite. Now Kevin and I play raquetteball but we don't hike alot. Ughh. But we hiked out and miraculously wound up camping to two girls who were also on spring break. These girls didn't just make the hike but kayaked out to the island to camp in the middle of nowhere. Now that is hot. Then one afternoon they pulled out a frisbee and started throwing around. What a GOLDEN opportunity. Two good looking girls (check) who like camping (double check) and played ultimate (holy crap check). So I did what Paul Murphy does best around girls, I went into my tent and took a knap and let Kevin (married) talk to them.
Once again proof that Paul Murphy truely is a moron. Oh they had to leave ubruptly the next day.

Paul "Frog in the blender level 1" Murphy

Now that's 1998. "Hey look I'm spinnin!" "Hey man this junk and funny" "Alright cut it out" "Wow what a pansy"

http://www.joecartoon.com/pages/frogbender_anim

Repeated sermons

There are alot of sermons that get repeated, especially around the Christian Hollidays such as Easter. Now personally I don't believe in the Bunny Rabit so there will be no festivities in my class this year. On the other hand there are some really bad Easter sermons out there. Now I'm sure they weren't bad the first time they were preached but they've gotten old. If I hear "It's Friday, but Sunday's coming" one more time I'm walking out of church and going to pick up trash on the side of the road.

I've decided instead of complaining about random junk that happens I will only write good things that happened in the first part of the blog. If you would like to see the not so good stuff read past where I write "Paul Murphy"

Good things that have happened recently.

We had a baptism on Sunday at church. That's pretty solid. I got to go to the far southwest corner of the U.S. where there was a great beach and even greater rock climbing. I'll have to take gear next time. We still have a good sized group of kids coming on Thursday nights for devotional. I think I'm going to start running in the morning. I got my name in the paper the other day, but it was because I had a student win the spelling bee they had an exerpt on her (who is your teacher?) I finally bought a comb/brush. I get Friday off.

I'm trying out the idea that how I view things is the only thing that affects my quality of life. We'll see how it goes. So I would like it to be known I'm thankful for all that.

I also would like to vent frustration with Mathew ch.7. It doesn't say ask and you'll recieve an answer; it says you'll recieve. I want that, so badly, to mean recieve what you asked for. I don't really know what it means. Anyway, I'd also like to point out 2 Cor. 12 8-10

8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

A. Paul the Apostle who could heal people, remove demons, and heard the voice of the LORD didn't get what he asked for.

B. I don't delight in hardships, insults, persecutions, weakness, or difficulties. But I'll try.

It's Friday, but Sunday's coming (eventually)

Paul "I've got nothin'" Murphy

my truck broke, again. It won't start. Probably the starter, again. While broke down for a couple of hours it was broken into and my speakers and cd's got jacked. All my cd's. The whole truck thing is very depressing and I'm tired of dealing with it every other week. I almost forgot. I got it push-started for guys Tuesday night thing and when I got to KFC I realised all my oil had spewed all over the place. It is now in the KFC parking lot with a small puddle of oil underneath it.