Part III: Chain Reaction Down the Track _ _ _ _/ l l l l l
B. I may have changed some things in the story

So I moved back home to South Carolina. Back in with my parents and brother Josh. Josh had been spending a year before dental school working and taking a break from school. That was the first time in five years that we were all living in a house together again. It was kind of a strange semester.

At USC I quickly scrambled to get all of my classes together since I didn't get official notice of my acceptance to the program until 10 days before the semester started. I didn't even ever meet with my adviser to discuss my schedule. State school was completely different from Harding. At HU I could drop by a professors office in the afternoon and talk. At USC I stalked two professor's office for two days straight and never saw them. So I quickly punched out a schedule. I was able to work it out so that I only had classes on Tuesday and Thursday. 15 (max) hours of Graduate school on Tue/ Thursday. I don't generally recommend it. I did manage to email my adviser and make some crucial schedule changes; two hours before the change deadline.

I was still living in North Augusta so I had an hour and a half drive to school and back. I'd leave the house around 8:30 am and get home around 10 or 11. It was a bit of a drive in the Jeep. I'd drive along I-20 listening to cd's. It was a long drive and gave me the opportunity to think about a lot of things. How much I missed people at HU. Random questions about life. But most of all I thought about how much I missed hanging out with Jane.

Meanwhile back at the hotel...(Ray Stevens Joke) That semester started at HU a week after mine. Thomas was back from his time in Africa. Jane had spent a good break at home in fla. Everybody sat back and began to watch the inevitable. Jane and Thomas were about to start their relationship where it had left off. At least that's what seemed like should happen.

Thomas came back from Kenya refreshed. It was a good way to spend a semester. He enjoyed his time teaching and helping out the missionaries. He was ready to get back to work in school. Everything was going fine. He rekindled his old friendship with Jane. Everybody was glad to have Thomas back. And Everybody was proud of Thomas.

This is where the problems began. See people starting viewing Thomas as something he didn't think he was. They saw him as a great guy who sacrificed a semester of school in order to help people in Kenya. Thomas didn't see it that way. In his mind he was tired of school and needed the break. Don't forget about his mom. Thomas needed the time away from everything to get his life back in order. He didn't decided to go because it was a great philanthropic thing to do, he went because he needed and adventure. But Thomas couldn't change people's perspective, something not easily or quietly done. It caused problems.

Jane was once again starry eyed over Thomas. She couldn't wait to start hanging out with him again. Jane was proud of Thomas for his sacrifice and really looked up to him. She told him. But Thomas didn't think he did anything spectacular. People started looking at Thomas as a spiritual role model. Thomas couldn't stand it. Jane looked at him as a spiritual role model. Very quickly Jane let Thomas know how she felt about him, and that she thought they should start going out. But Thomas was under a lot of pressure and he wasn't ready for a relationship quite yet. I think Jane took it really hard when Thomas told her that. But she still hadn't lost hope. Thomas just needed a little more time.

Lusterous Potate. I was still suffering school at USC. The only redemption for the semester was x-box night on thursdays and the fact that I got to spend a lot of time with Josh. The drives were getting to me. I felt alone in Columbia. USC was a big school and I didn't spend any time around campus when I wasn't in class. I didn't make many friends. And the drives were really getting to me. I would sit there driving along the interstate and I just couldn't shake Jane. I recalled the times we hung out eating and talking when we were supposed to be studying. I couldn't get her out of my head. I didn't want to try. I realized what had happened.

As far as I was concerned Thomas and Jane were probably already making wedding plans. Which was sorta cool with me. I mean Thomas is probably one of the greatest guys I know. I want my sister to marry a guy like Thomas. So I guess it was ok. But it still sucked for me. But that's not what was going on, and I didn't get the story until March.

I quickly figured out that my USC spring break was the same as Harding's. Excellent. Every year the guys from the 1106 house to a spring break road trip. I'd never been a real road trip. So I asked Thomas what the plans were and he told me something like "head west." Sweet. So I signed up for the trip. At first it was just me and Thomas in the plans. But soon we had a crew leaving for the west. So March roled around.

I decided to leave for Arkansas on Wednesday the week before spring break. It just meant skipping my thursday classes. I didn't mind. So I got to HU wednesday afternoon. Thursday night Jane and I hung out at Wendy's. Mandi and Michelle were there too. In fact so was Keke' Brooks but not at our table. Friday night there was a big get-together at the 1106 house. I decided to make milkshakes. So I made a bunch of milkshakes. For some reason nobody came and got any, except for Jeremy Stoneburner. Then Jimmy. I was a little depressed. Jane and I had also decided to watch "Garden State" together, one of her favorites. But she never showed. So I put it in and began watching by myself. It was very depressing. I was really sad. My hopes were high and the return stunk.

By this time I already talked with Thomas about what was up. He told me the whole story about he and Jane. That was when I concocted the milkshake and movie night thing that busted hard. Hanging out with Jane was hard. On one hand I love to tell her what I thought about her. On the other hand I didn't want to mess things up with Thomas; between us or he and Jane. So I fumbled around. I couldn't bring myself to say anything. I hated Garden State, because it told me I was a pansy and needed to just go for it. I couldn't.

So Sunday Thomas, Travis, Will, Jeremy, and myself took off "west." Nobody really knew where we were going. Will wanted to see the Grand Canyon, that was about it. It was a great trip. Thomas and I had some tension between us. Oh, by the way, I told Thomas what I thought about Jane and how I had slowly fallen in love with her. He didn't know what to say. He still planed on going out with her, just not right then. Our first lunch stop was in some town in western Colorado. We bought groceries for the trip and ate at a Taco Bell. It was at that Taco Bell that I decided that I was going to forgo any inhibitions I had about telling Jane what I thought. Thomas didn't know what to think. I don't think he liked the idea. But he understood.
So we got back into Searcy the next Saturday morning after a GREAT trip. Jane wasn't back in town yet. But she arrived that afternoon. I was staying in the 1106 house and she was next door at the girl's house. So we hung out that Saturday night. It was great. But I still couldn't bring myself to tell her. Sunday came too quickly. I need to leave so I could catch up on classes, but I just didn't want to. So we hung out all day Sunday. I told her I didn't want to leave. She told me I should stay another day. I would have stayed a whole lot longer if she asked. In fact I remember the next day thinking that exact thought, hoping she would ask me to stay longer. But she didn't and I went home Monday.

Pansied out again

Part II: Dominoes in A Row l l l l l l l l l

First I'd like to make two notes. A. I'll make the last mini-series post on Friday, but it'll be early Saturday Morning for most of you. "B" will be tomorrow

So Thomas left for the summer to take up his job in Kodiak Alaska. Thomas had a cool job working for the Alaska Fish and Game dept. Basically Thomas caught salmon all summer and took samples to send to the lab to make sure they were healthy. But in order to do this he had to live in a remote part of the state. So Willy the pilot (same Willy from Grizzly Man) would fly Thomas and his work partner to a remote base. So Thomas spent most of the summer out of contact with the rest of the world. Which was a problem.

That summer "Jane" was still digging on Thomas. So she tried to continue perusing their seeded relationship. So Jane continued writing Thomas emails. The problem was Thomas wasn't writing back. Now Thomas wasn't ignoring her and trying to avoid conversation, he couldn't writer her back. He couldn't because he was stuck in the middle of the Last Frontier (Alaska) and didn't have an internet connection for most of the summer. Jane took a little bit of offense, but only because she didn't understand the conversation. But neither Jane nor I would see Thomas again for six months, when he would get back from Africa and the situation would be sorted out.

So the next semester I returned for my last semester of school at Harding. I had a light load of classes. At first I tried to load up on Family Consumer Science and intro to Nursing classes for my last semester. I had all the requirements for my degree except for 12 hours of electives. So I scheduled classes that I knew would be full of girls. It was simple. Unfortunately for me I overlooked a requirement for graduation; the upper level hours part. Sure enough, I was a few upper level hours short of the mark. So my schedule was toast and I had to sign up for real classes. Two upper level math classes to finish out my minor and two bible classes for sport; I already complete my bible requirements too. It was that semester that I lived in the "old inexistent" married apartments.

My Monday, Wednesday, Friday schedule had me going to chapel at 9, an hour break, then Linear Algebra at 10:45. It left a nice break in the morning. So in the morning I would go get breakfast at the student center. I'd usually pick up a chicken biscuit, roll of chocolate dough nuts, and the very healthy Hershey Oreo milkshake. So by the second week I would sit in the student center after chapel and eat breakfast. One day Jane walked by and noticed me studying for Linear Algebra. She had botany at 10:45 and was looking for a place to study. So she sat down.

I still remember that initial conversation. We were talking and a girl with 6" heels walked by. I heard the clicking of her heels long before she walked behind me. They sounded huge. So after she walked behind me a turned in mid-conversation to see just how tall the random girl's heels were. Jane thought I was checking the girl out and called me on it. I tried to explain, but I don't think she believed me. But it set up a routine that we continued to follow for the rest of the semester.

Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday we would sit and study together before our 10:45 classes. After a few weeks we moved from the Student Center to the more comfortable and less trafficked new addition to the Science building. The truth of the matter was that Jane couldn't really sit in public without people constantly stopping to talk to her. She was just one of those completely friendly people. So the less traffic, more nerdy, science building suited us just fine.

Truth be told we didn't get a whole lot of studying done. Most days we would just sit there and talk about stuff and life. It was fantastic. She was a great person to hang out with. Most of the time we would just sit there and talk for an hour. We would talk about what was going on in our lives. What we liked and didn't like. We became pretty good friends through the whole thing. And I really got to know how cool of a girl she really was. And believe me, she was a really cool girl.

She loved being outside. We went rock-climbing a few times there around Searcy. We'd share camping stories and random cool stuff we learned in class. We also continued going to Prayer Group with a great group of people.

Every Tuesday night I'd swing by her dorm in my new Jeep Wrangler, sometimes with the top down, and pick her up for Prayer Group. Afterwards I'd take her back. One night it was approaching curfew and I had another girl that was ready to go home. Jane was busily talking away. So I took my keys and tossed them at her jokingly. She grabbed my keys and walked out the door and hopped in the driver's seat. Unfortunately she hadn't driven a standard in a while. But I just hopped in the back and let Angela Woo, our Taiwanese friend in the passenger's seat. Eventually Jane stalled it out at a four-way stop with us having the right-of-way. She managed to get the car into the middle of the intersection before it stalled again and a third time. So she panicked and I took over from there. It was a good night.

Eventually my friend Sammer decided that I should ask Jane out. I think he had some help. I really thought about it, and almost did on several occasions. I think I even picked up the phone and dialed her number at one point. But she wasn't in her room. My roommate John had something to do with that phone call. I also went by her dorm room at open house one time as well, a huge Harding step. But the door was closed and I didn't want to knock. Usually a closed door at open house means stay out. I wound up in Jody Miller's room eating peanut butter. Her new boyfriend Steve came by, but that's just a random thought.

Anyway I couldn't ever really ask Jane out. First of all this was Thomas' girl. Thomas was in Africa doing mission work and everyone knew that once he came back that they'd start going out. Everyone. What type of friend would I be to try to snatch a girl why he was away. Remember his last relationship? But I also had another huge problem. I was graduating in 2 months and leaving for the University of South Carolina. She still had at least two years of school left. I was in a pickle. On one hand I would never really have another chance to ask this amazing girl out. On the other hand I had no right to ask her out considering I was leaving and she was sort of already taken, but not officially. And she was a little disappointed with Thomas for not responding to most of her e-mails during the summer.

In the end I didn't do anything. We were supposed to hang out the last week of the semester but it didn't happen. I was busy graduating and she was busy studying. So in December I graduated. Walked across the stage and out of contention. Thomas would be back soon and would make everything right.

I. Rising Weight

Everybody loves a story with a happy ending. A story where the hero wins. Our "G" rated movies instill in us the belief that the hero is supposed to win, and everything turns out for the best. Epic movies show us that sometimes a hero must win at all costs. Movies like Rudy, Gladiator, Rocky, and Braveheart show us that sometimes the happy ending is in the journey and accomplishment, not necessarily the hero winning. But not every story has a happy ending, not every attempt is met with accomplishment, and not every "best effort" is rewarded with victory.

This is my story, and it doesn't have a happy ending...

In the spring of 2004 I was entering the second semester of my Junior year at Harding University. I was on a roll. I just completed my best semester of college. But things were about to change. I moved from the first floor of Keller dorm; where I had the neighbors of Tom Greenway, Chris Morton, and my infamous roommate Mike. Josh decided he was moving off campus and invited me along for the ride. It was his last semester at Harding.

When Josh told me where we were going to be living I was a little nervous. We were about to move into a house with three other guys, only one of which I knew. I can still remember the first time I met Peter Miller. Josh and I were at the White County fair about to watch the demolition derby. I noticed a stingy guy with two good looking ladies. That was the first time I met the cool South African stylings known as Peter Miller. Now we were going to live in a house together.

Upon further inspection I realized that I knew another of our future roommates, the Will. Will was on the ill-fated Civil War field trip with me. Will seemed ok, but I was cautious. The other roommate was Jimmy. Jimmy was a Grad student at the Harding U. Grad school of Religion in Memphis. He worked as a G.A. at the campus in Searcy. Jimmy hated his job.

So Josh and I moved in to the 1106 house. It was a true bachelor pad equipped with a wrap-around couch that didn't belong to anybody, christmas lights for mood lighting, stained carpet, and random wholes in the sheetrock. It was a little on the ghetto side, but it was home for the next semester.

Upon moving into the house I was introduced to a whole new group of people. Friends like Jeremy S., Jody M, Thomas K, Josh B., Amber, that girl from across the street, Natalie, and so many more. Josh and I didn't know it but we weren't just moving into a place to live but a place with history and it's own personality. It was a hang-out for people. In fact on Friday nights people would just migrate to the house.

The house was also the location of Tuesday night Prayer Group. Basically at around 9 pm people started showing up at the house for a devotional. After some songs we would usually split up and take prayer requests. At first it was a little awkward, but it was eventually really cool. People would come over to the house and hang out for a while. Some nights we had over thirty people at the house. Basically it was a break from school and drama to set your heart out to God, but with a support group. Its amazing how many people will show up to something when they know the people there are genuine and ready to help out. People invited their friends and we usually had a decent spread every Tuesday night.

One of our main "outreach" guys was Thomas K. Thomas was smooth. He was 6'3" had long dark hair and was from Alaska. Thomas really loved Jesus. He was also a National Merit Scholar and great student. Ladies LOVED Thomas, and he brought a lot to Prayer Group. There was one girl who Josh and I had drooled over for several months. Incredible girl. Loved Jesus, athletic (soccer), sweet, gorgeous, and played drums. It was hott. Yes with two "t's." She was sort of diggin' on Thomas but for some reason he wasn't interested. See, unlike mere mortals, Thomas had something special. That thing that some guys have that you really can't put your finger on that just attracts ladies like flies to poop. OK bad analogy. Like minnow salmon to the ocean.

Thomas had also just gotten out of a horrible relationship. Basically everything was going good and she went on a summer mission trip to Honduras. Thomas kept up with her and wrote her letters while she was away. And she mirrored his letters and love. Thomas came back to school and she was still in Honduras. Now the girl, Rachael the Hippy, was another one that Josh and I had been inquisitive about. But when Thomas came back to school he noticed something different. All of her friends were kind of avoiding him. But Thomas continued writing letters. Until one day in the cafeteria some unknowing friend of Rachael the Hippy walked up to Thomas and asked him if he heard about Rachael's engagement. He was completely broadsided and I'm sure, devastated for a while. Rachael had been going out with another guy she met in Honduras for a few months.

So Thomas was on the defensive. Incidentally so was Sammer. But that's another blog for another day. Thomas claims that his ungodly ability to attract fantastic girls came from lots of prayers. But Thomas could have never seen what lay a head that semester. His mom died.

It was a huge hit to him. I tried my best to be there for him. We went camping after he got back from the funeral. But things were getting bad. This great student was facing the likely hood of some very bad grades due to missing a couple of weeks of school. He dropped a class. But one class he didn't drop was his Scuba class. And this is where the adventure began.

In the Scuba class that spring there were 8 guys signed up, and one girl. That was a small problem in a university with no "mixed bathing." But she was a cool girl and handled everything very well. She was cool enough that Thomas brought her to prayer group where we got to meet her. For the sake of blogging we'll call her Jane.

Jane was cool. I remember our first conversation. I remember where I was sitting, who was around and the time of day. Jane also sort of liked Thomas, and Thomas liked her. But Thomas was in no position to start a relationship. His last one wound up sucking, he was still dealing with his mom's passing, and he had an adventurous idea. Thomas was tired of school. He was overloaded with make-up work and overtime studying. He didn't feel like he could make another semester.

So Thomas talked to some friends of his that were missionaries in Kenya. They discussed details and decided that Thomas would come and teach chemistry in the school and help them out on the weekends. But this wasn't a summer thing, it would be during the next semester of school. Thomas was stoked. He started learning Swahili. And he realized that after a summer in Kodiak Alaska and a semester in Africa he was in no place to start a relationship with Jane. So he didn't.

I remember sitting around on Friday night with Thomas and Josh making up random love songs. It was crazy, crazy fun. We talked about ladies. Josh and I thought Thomas was a little crazy for not jumping at his opportunity with Jane, but in the end, we understood it wasn't feasible. At least not right now....

Introduction

Apparently my blog ratings have been slowly declining for the past few months. Part of this I blame on the summer break from frequent blogging. Though I must admit I do leave some blogs up for a while when I think they're really good; like the last one. Surely someone could have thought of some good comments. Anyway I decided to pull all the strings out for a three part mini-series. Now I'm not guaranteeing any part of this story. It might be in line with the beginning of The Legend of Time. I'll start with the first entry tomorrow and the series finally will conclude on Friday.

Moron Story #274

I still sort of feel like trash. I find myself disappointed with more and more things here on the island. Like trash. Today I saw a guy in the car in front of me throw some trash out of his car. And not like bio-degradable trash but a plastic bottle. Has anyone informed this person that it takes like 80 years for plastic to degrade. For a brief moment I thought about stopping traffic, picking up the bottle and racing after the guy just to throw it back at him. But then I looked around and it seems like everyone else trashes this island too. In some ways I look forward to leaving the island next June. There are some things about the island that are embarrassing. Like the trash that is EVERYWHERE. People just don't seem to care. Or the rampant government corruption and mismanagement. There are too many examples of people on the island basically stealing money. Dept of ed FIFA and the FAA is a huge joke. I'm tired of dealing with racism. Samoan can be pretty racist, especially against Asians. (Interesting seeing as how they check the same "Race" box on government forms) There are some parts of the culture that are great. But there are some glaring flaws as well.

Time for a dumb story. I call this one the complete botch.

So when I was about 9 or so one of my best friends was David Hayes. David lived in North Augusta before I did. In fact David would tell you he lived in Belvadere not the NA. But anyways, David had some cool stuff. Like they had a pool. We had a murky pond that other people made fun of us for swimming in. But David had something else that I did not have; a hot older sister. Whitney H7ayes. ( I put a 7 in there in case she googles herself and this showed up).

Anyways, Whitney was something else. She had long dark hair and deep brown eyes. It was magical. Whitney also came to camp one year. At camp there is this Friday dinner. Now its not official or anything but still the pressure is on for guys to bring a girl to the Friday dinner. The previous year I took some girl from Aiken. But this year my sights were set on Whitney Hayes.

Being the 9 year-old version of Paul "The Moron" Murphy I didn't actually have the gumption to ask her myself. I think some older girls had to intervene for me. But sure enough Whitney agreed to go to Friday dinner with your's truly. By the way Whitney was like 11. So I had it made, all I had to do was wait till Friday and reap the rewards of being good looking. Until Wednesday night.

Wednesday night, at least I think it was Wednesday. We were suppose to follow our group of campers around camp to different "stations." One of those stations was Robert Wagner, prbly Mike Polutta, and maybe someone else (Zule?). They were getting ready to put on a show. I took my seat by myself in the middle of a row of fold-out chairs. Unfortunately the show didn't start when I sat down. Also unfortunately Whitney Hayes decided to sit behind me. Most people would think "great a chance to talk to her about what we're going to wear or something." Not me. I panicked. I don't think I ever had to talk to a girl who I was having dinner with in a few nights. I was scared. I didn't know what to do. Here's a beautiful girl trying to talk to me. Oh snap.

Whitney repeatedly tried to get my attention, tapping me on the shoulder, and getting a friend to intervene, but to no avail. See Paul Murphy was a moron back then too and ignored her. That was probably one of the worst memories I have. 14 years later I can still remember the smell of the dining hall, the arrangement of chairs, the "Dead Puppies," and worst "Six Feet Under," a song about a dude burying his wife or something. Whitney and I never really talked again after that. Needless to say, she decided not to go to Friday night dinner with me. In fact Whitney and I never really talked after that.

I think I had a conversation with her when I was like 14 at an area-wide thing. But what was worse is that a few years later we moved to North Augusta and I started going to North Augusta Middle, the same school as Whitney. Still feeling like a complete idiot I saw Whitney almost every day in the hallway. In fact I use to take a detour just because I knew where her locker was and wanted to see if she was there. But everyday I had the glaring reminder of my one chance with Whitney and how I completely botched it. Then "The Lion King" came out and the monkey told me that the past hurts but we have to learn from it. Thanks wise monkey, I won't ever mess that up again. I still think about how things might be different if I hadn't messed up that night.

Paul "hall stalker" Murphy

Help for Mike: recipes for when your multi-million dollar contract gets voided

I find that Michael Vick and I may be in a similar position. We are both looking at living cheap for a while. Now Mike's version of cheap is probably like a $100,000/month budget while mine is a little bit smaller. Anyways I'm currently trying to save up enough to make it to New Zealand at Christmas. I call it the "Stuper Duper spend Christmas in Christchurch" Vacation. Between my back tithes and credit card bill I've fallen a little behind the 8 ball. It's budgeted out, unless my truck takes another turn for the worse. Anyways I'll be skipping on the amenities for the next few months in order to pay for bungee jumping. So here's my advice to Michael Vick, someone who will also be skipping on amenities for the next few months. The super duper sandwich recipe.

I call it the "Poor Mexican." All it takes is some juevos. Well that and bread. And salsa; that's what make is "mexican." Anyway here is the Murphy-cheap recipe.

Ingredients: Four eggs
Four pieces of bread
Two tablespoons of salsa
Directions: Scramble Eggs in pan
Toast bread
Make two sandwiches and add 1 tablespoon of salsa to each.

Calories: check. Protein: Check Grains: Double Check Fruit: Tomatoes a vegetable right? Vegetable: Check Cheap: Triple Check

Paul "a little for the chef" Murphy

Hope in the Human Spirit

I like to think that innately we are all good people, that without any external influence people will do what is best. The external influence part is tricky because there will always be external influences. As a historian I can easily see that people don't make the best decisions all of the time. In fact most of what we study in history is other people's mistakes. I guess it comes down to optimism.

I'm tired of people taking stuff from my truck. A few months ago my truck broke down in a parking lot. I had to have supper ready by 6pm so I abandoned the Gus and left on foot. I later went back to retrieve my truck after supper and what-not. Anyway I find a few day later that all of my cd's and speakers are gone. FAN-freakin-Tastic. No more tunes for me. What's worse is this island has pretty much adopted a ghetto culture. Rap is the favorite of most younger Samoans. So my collection of music isn't doing whoever any good. They probably listened to it once then tried to pawn it off on somebody in exchange for bus fare or a stalk of fruit. I'm sure whoever has it was disappointed in my crappy music. Remy Zero? What the heck. I can just hear the thieves laughing at me after listening to my coldplay collection. Or maybe I made Tom Petty fans out of them. Who knows? Maybe somewhere on the island there is someone else rocking out to the mellow styles of the Garden State sound track. I can only hope that someone might increase their music aptitude by ganking my cd's. More likely they listened to it once then trashed it.

Anyways it makes me really angry when people take my stuff. On one hand it is just stuff. On the other hand I'm the one who stuff it was. Just yesterday someone took my new walkman cd player out of the truck. I'm tired of this. I use to have hope in the human spirit. That given the chance we could all prove ourselves trustworthy. I never use to lock my jeep, and nobody ever bothered it. Maybe people have changed in the last few years. Or maybe its just the people on this island. I'd like to think I didn't have to lock my door, but I'm wrong.

Paul "Doubter in the Human Spirit" Murphy

Snake story part III: The Tre' (used in vain?)

I've been in a bit of a funk the past few days. Maybe its because its August. I don't know. But what makes everybody happy? A good story.
I'm still baffled at how I get so many hits from random places. How 15 people here on the island read my blog regularly.

So in high school I hung out with some shady characters. The Jennemanns were a backstreet group. Or at least you had to turn off Wrightsborough to Troupe to ... I forgot. Anyway I always loved hanging with Paul and Stephen. They were a great mix to our Josh and Paul. I remember one time accidentally introducing myself as Paul Jennemann. Long story, conservative church, blah blah blah, snake story.

Paul and Stephen were a dichotomy of sorts. Two very similar yet very different brothers. We enjoyed camping with them. Anyways one day we decided to go on an infamous camping trip. Yes there were multiple occasions. Stephen and I headed out early (3:30pm) because it was labor day weekend and we were headed for one of South Carolina's best beachside state parks. So Stephen and I are chugging down the back highway in the Nissan Sentra. Suddenly we saw a snake basking in the sunlight on the asphalt surface of road. So we did what anyone in our situation would do; we stopped to play with/kill it. Stephen pulled out his pellet rifle from the trunk of the car. Stephen always had something to kill stuff with in his car. He once pulled into a church parking lot early in the morning with a herd of bunny rabbits. In one deft move stopped his car, pulled out and loaded a blowgun, and shot a rabbit dead on the spot. Anyway after shooting the snake several times with the pellet rifle it finally died. Then we played with it for a while and put it in a used Winn-Dixie bag. We continued merrily down the road to the campground.

When we got to the campground we intended to eat the snake for dinner. So we went to the beach for a few hours to play and pick up ladies. Upon returning the snake had turned sour and was stinking up the back of the Nissan Sentra. So we did the next best thing- thought of a way to scare someone with it. Josh, Paul, and Marcus were bringing the tents. So we put the snake next to a tree were the tents would go. When one of them saw it they would freak.

Ummm, your corner needs to go more to the right Mark.

"Next to the tree?"

Yah.

"There are roots over there"

Umm Ok (it didn't work)

OH! Look a SNaaaake!

From here Marcus naturally dashed away from the snake that was definitely no more then two feet from where he was standing.

How did you see that black snake in the dark? Good catch! - Josh

Oh dunno

Hey that things not moving. And look at all those flies around its head- Josh
(Flashlights were out and the only thing holding the joke together was that the severed head was hidden behind the tree)

Lets see what happens when I poke it with this stick - Mark

Knowing the joke was about to be unraveled (denoument-ed) I knew I could get one last gasp. So I ran over to the snake and yelled "I got it!" I proceeded to pick up the dead snake and sling it at the three bystanders. Naturally they almost wet themselves. Josh though it was fake anyway. He found out otherwise when he picked it up and squealed like a girl. EEEEE! HEY, that's not fake. What type of second rate prankster does he take me for? We all got a good laugh. Well Stephen and I did. I think the others weren't too happy. I think I had to put the tents up.

Paul "Next time put it inside the tent" Murphy

Nature vs. Nurture: The Rents

This could be a deep psychological post about how I turned out like this because of my parents. But despite my parents best efforts this is pretty much how I turned out.

Anyways this post is about The Rents. I hate Mother's Day and Father's Day. It just seems a little forced. That and Josh banned me from getting mom cards. Apparently you're not supposed to make "hey, you're getting older" jokes to your middle aged mom. I think we should also feel free to think about our parents any day of the year not just in may and june. Oh, and I think I forgot my mother's birthday this year. Happy Birthday mom. I also think I want to start referring to my mother as "Mom's."

Mom's and Dad are great. If you don't know my Rents you just might be missing out. Now I realize that neither of my parents are perfect and I could tell some stories on that, but not this time. I would like to put my parents in the spotlight for this blog. Though I don't really think much about them I'm pretty sure they're always thinking about me. Especially when the bills come in. I bet they really think about me then. We're all getting older but The Rents still check up on me and make sure everything's taken care of.

So here's to The Rents, this blogs for you.

Paul "the middle child" Murphy

words don't do justice.

Scattered Ramblings

First and Foremost I might end my 14 year Braves Only fan membership. Not because of the Braves, I love Julio Franco; although they did get rid of Marcus Giles. Anywho, I think I just might start rooting for the Yankees. Now hear me out. The other night a travesty happened to baseball. Barry Bonds is now the all-time home run king. Barry "My athletic trainer is in jail for giving people roids and look at my rookie card" Bonds. When Hank broke Ruth's record he caught flack because he was black. I think some redneck in Alabami might have a problem with Bonds b/c he's black, but my problem is he cheated, egregiously. (side note: I spelled egregiously correct on the first try). So why become a Yankees fan? Well I now find myself rooting on A-Rod in hopes this tainted part of baseball history will quickly be over. Down with steroids. Down with steroid abusers. Don't let them in Cooperstown

In some good news a couple of guys that play disc have arrived on the island. They're from Vancouver, BC. Maybe I can finally get a decent game going.

I need an obscure sport to compete in the 2008 Olympics. If anybody can think of anything drop me a line.

aight I'm out

Paul "Needs roids to make it to the Olympics" Murphy

Getting through school

I remember going off to college for the first time. No, wait, oh there it is. I seem to be getting older. Anyways, I remember loading up the Suburban with our junk. The our being Josh and me. We had the back of the car packed with the seats folded down. Josh brought along his 5ft giant smiley face he acquired that summer; an old remnant of the great gas station. Blah blah blah college.

College was a little frightening. Though I don't like talking about my age, I was about 12 months younger than everybody else. Luckily I had Josh and D. Burns to help guide me through those first treacherous months. By my Sophomore year I knew I was in deep trouble. Good grades in college require studying; something I was not accustom to during high school. By my Junior year I was busily and frantically packed with history papers to write. Since I never, and still don't, had a computer most of the actual writing of papers took place in the campus computer labs. It was a dull dreary place with a formidable task. 15 pages on the Diamond mining industry in S. Afr. 20 pages on Hobos during the depression. 15 pages on ethics during wartime. The list goes on, and on. I often was daunted by the formidable tasks ahead of me. One semester I had over 70 pages of papers due. All this lead to me spending hours in the computer labs at Harding staring at a white computer screen with black, mundane, serif type. It was boring. I decided changing my background picture would help. I changed it to this. Thinking someday I might get to visit some place this relaxing and scenic.






And this is where I live now.
Well I guess writing all of those papers paid off.


Just as an update I'll be teaching History and Math this year with a side of Computer Programing. Sounds like fun.




Paul "Toucan Sam" Murphy

"Don't waste your time finding out who you are, become who you want to be."
-Bathroom stall at USC

BTW I scored my first birdie the other day in golf. Sweetness.

Snake Story part 2: The water snake

So a little over a year ago my family was gearing up for camp at PBC. Philip was coming back into town as well. Now I had my regular job and Philip was going to be head of the junior program. One of the things Philip loved doing 3rd week was tubing down the nearby river. We had a good amount of rain that week so the river was really running. Philip, myself, and some other people tubed it. It was pretty rock'n. Unfortunately we have a water safety... umm... now who reads this blog again?... worrier. She didn't think it safe to put 60 campers in tubes and send them down a small river/creek. So we did the second best thing.

Now whenever people go rafting they usually refer to the "river gauge" before hand. This is a measure of the height and flow of water going down a river at various spots. Thank goodness for the U.S. government (USGS) and their constant monitoring of river levels they publish online. Our second option for camper tubing was a small creek. If it had a river level on the USGS sight it would say something like "Did somebody flush the toilet?" So we were charged with the engineering feat of clearing this creek of boulders, rocks, and dredging a channel for overweight campers. We got to work clearing the creek and maximizing the river flow. It took us several hours to get the creek "navigable." We tested it out using a "Junior Camper" size staff member. "I'M NOT A JUNIOR CAMPER!!!"

Anyways, Mark and I were vigorously clearing our part of the creek of rocks and such and carrying on with some dumb conversation. We basically took big rocks and made a series of channeling dams down the creek to direct the flow of water toward the middle, thus creating a deep enough channel for larger junior campers. Anyways Mark goes to move a rock and quickly springs back noticing a water snake swimming away. So we chased down the snake, knowing it wouldn't be good to have a snake floating around next to the campers. I got Mark to throw me his pocket knife. I think Philip then showed up and Marcus bailed out and jumped to the bank. So Philip and I track down this unknown water snake with stick and knife. Philip gets him pinned down and reach down with the 2" blade and destroy the snake.

Well like any males in that situation we figured we'd show off our good work to the other males in the group. So we took the snake and started showing everybody else. There's something gratifying about killing stuff, especially snakes. Anyways somebody left it on the ramp to one of the teaching shelters as a "hey look at what we did." It started getting close to when campers were going to show up. We began looking around for our "Junior Camper" tubing tester, but she was nowhere to be found. Apparently she doesn't like snakes. And by doesn't like snakes I mean she had a panic attack when she saw she was about to step next to one on the ramp of the teaching shelter. Ummmmm. Ooooops.

Paul "I swear I didn't put it there" Murphy

The Stuff Legends are Made of

If your a guy, you know the situation. You've played it in your head a thousand times or more. There she is. A girl who is possibly the best looking girl you have ever seen. But there's a problem, you speak two totally different languages. How will you communicate? Where will this relationship go? What happens when you have to go your seperate ways? Is this the "One"? But most importantly to guys, "How do I find a way to start a neutral conversation?" It's almost impossible. You need some freak sway in fate, luck, or divine providence in order to not seem like a creepy weirdo probing for a date. Besides; 99.98% of the time she wouldn't even give you the time of day; even if she was wearing a "Flav-O-Flave" style clock on a gold chain around her neck. But then there's that one time when you get your chance...

So there Colt and I were at the LAX airport. We just got through security and were searching for some great airport food. Burger King was the choice. This was an important BK lounge because it would be me and Colts last journey to Whopperland for a year. So we gallantly stepped in line, ordered, and recieved our food. But the place was packed. Colt and I found an empty table for four and sat down, proud of our skillful orders. I informed Colt that we needed to leave the other two seats open in case other peopled needed somewhere to eat. That's when she walked up. Beautiful at 5'4" with long, trailing, blonde hair. Now some times immature males will "rank" women on an objective, looks-only, 10 point scale. For many of us it's a bell curve. Statistics support this way of looking at any population; its true, most of us our average. Anyway, if you were going to rank her she would have fell in the 99 percentile. Well above two standard deviations from the mean. This girl was in fact, a "10."

She was at the airport with her family about to fly home to France. I had noticed her family earlier because there was a middle-aged blind woman in the group, but I had not seen her at the time. Quick side. Blind people are irristible to stare at. They get around with such ease. And they can't catch you staring at them. Back to the story. The patriarch of the family notices the resteraunt is full and is looking for a place to cache his blind wife while he went to order food. Luckily Colt and I had just the spot. He motioned at our table, as if to ask "can I drop off my blind wife and rediculously hot daughter?" I made the international sign for "sit right here." Here was my chance.

As the girl sits down next to me and her mom next to Colt I thought of a million ways to start the conversation. But my body seemed to falter. I tried to ask a simple question to the French matriarch when my hand shoved another bite of french fries into my mouth. "Hi. Your sitting next to Colt and I'm Paul." "Do you know if the french fry came from France?" "He's not my kid you know." "I'm sorry I don't speak french. But I can show you what French I do know." All these phrases and more rushed through my brain, but my mouth was occupied over and over by a bite of fries. Once again I managed to do what Paul Murphy does best in the situation. Act like the scenary. Another dissapointing day in Paul's life. I'm a moron.

Paul "Somebody shoot me" Murphy