Worst Date Ever

Aimee came into town this past Thursday and Friday. So Thursday afternoon I drove down to Michelle Stagg's house to pick her up for a night of fun and entertainment. Ok maybe not. I figured we'd be in Aiken and do something Aikeny like go to Hopeland Gardens, Hitchcock Woods, or see some horses.

I picked Aimee up around 4 ish and we took off. I gave her the options: Hopeland Gardens, Hitchcock Woods, or go shoot stuff at my parents land. Aimee went with shoot stuff. Excellent decision. So we drove to my parents house and picked up a few shotguns then off to Wal-Mart to pick up some shells.

After a few practice target shoots, I decided we should head down toward the swamp and walk through the woods to find some poor squirrel, stray snake, or anything that moved. Unfortunately the path Josh, Dad, and I cut a year and a half ago was a little overgrown. It made things interesting. Aimee and I both took a few briers to the legs and arms. And it was hot. And there was nothing to shoot at.

Then things got worse. Apparently I walked over a nest of yellow jackets. They weren't too happy with me so they came out and attacked me. So for the next minute Aimee and myself smacked ourselves trying to rid ourselves of the plague of yellow jackets. After everything was said and done I think Aimee took 3 and I took 10; almost beating my old record of 12. So we walked back out of the woods sweaty, scratched, and stung.

Not being too deterred, we went to the music in the park in North Augusta. It was pretty much a gray hair convention. Old band and old people dancing. Hilarious, and a little redemptive. Afterward I pulled out my cell phone and called Chris Thompson. I had begun noticing my lip swelling up.

By the time we got to Chris's house, I was full into an allergic reaction, my very first one. Chris hooked me up with some benadryl. Aimee went upstairs and picked out "The Karate Kid" to watch while Chris monitored my allergic reaction. After an hour I was good to go, and we went and ate at Ruby Tuesday.

Not exactly the end of the world but still the worst date I've managed to put together. Yellow jacket attack and allergic reaction. Oh and Dr. Barry was involved in there somewhere, but I'm still not sure what was going on at that time.

Paul "I didn't have to push start my car" Murphy

Summer Update

First some changes around the blog.
1. Blog additions: Matt Fields at Clemson, and the new Schimizee blog. Sorry Shaun I forgot and I'll get it up soon.

2. Date counter has disappeared. Really I got tired of resetting it back to "0" so I just got rid of it.


Camp went well. We worked hard, stayed up late, and developed an addiction to 4 square. I now have a rivalry with "Dirty" Josh Williams, and Ben "Standing the Heat" Baddeley. If I see either of those guys on the court it is on- no holds bar 4 square. I even bought a ball at Wal-Mart the other day.

I love Wal Mart. Its a beautiful thing. You don't have to go to 7 stores to find what you want, they've got it all in one place.

Well I've got lots of plans this summer. #1 is finding a job. By the way I could always use more people for references so if you'd like to volunteer for some reference letter writing just email me at jpaulmrphy at gmail . com. Also in the plans are a camping/rafting trip, some rock climbing with some old HU friends, vball tourneys, and a trip to Arkansas. Oh and a trip to Carowinds possibly next week. It all sounds like a complete blast.

Todays a busy day so I've got to cut and run. Aimee's coming into town today and I should probably have some sort of idea what we may be doing.

Paul "4 square super star" Murphy

Ending with 200

Well this is the 200th post on stories of a moron. Throughout the process the title has remained true. I figure I'll do something special for #200.

Things I've Learned in American Samoa
1. Dept of Motor Vehicles stink every where
2. Geckos are not cute and cuddly and they chirp
3. US banking hours are FANTASTIC
4. Music is like business- if you only have one choice it stinks
5. Allyson still doesn't like me
6. Julia does sometimes
7. What "Potholes" are
8. Dogs are punks
9. How to dispose of punk dogs
10. How to differentiate b/t Kiwi's and Aussies (Kiwi's have some class, Aussies have none but just think they do)
11. Lynn Ashley is the man, hands down.
12. O te alofa Tina'
13. The ocean can be dangerous, btw Luke almost drowned the other month
14. Sometimes I have to wait on God
15. God is not a banker- nor does he care about savings, intrest, or loans.
16. Rats require a rat trap and are scarry at night under a house
17. Dogs can get stuck together
18. You don't have to have street names for directions (I got this one the other day "the road under the bannana trees")
19. Volcanic rock is not for climbing
20. Tetnis is not a game
21. Rugby players do wear pads
22. I'm not fat, nor will I ever probably be
23. A "6" is more like a "8" depending on geography
24. Golf stinks, but I keep playing
25. Not just white people are racist
26. Slippers aren't for inside
27. Pigs yell really loud when you kill them
28. Video stores don't have to be alphabetized
29. Gas is cheap in SC
30. Where tatoo comes from
31. Fish processing plants smell
32. All criminals aren't in jail, some are in government
33. Wal-Mart is something beautiful
34. "N" comes before "G" every time
35. Philip's kids talk in there sleep

Well that about it. I leave tommorow. It's been fun.

Paul "fa soifua" Murphy

Unemployed

I finished up my last day of work Saturday. I checked out and turned in my keys. I'm now unemployed. I now join the other 5% of US workers watching soap operas in the morning. Sad.

So I guess I'll post my resume online for all of those who are looking for someone to employ. OK not my real "hey I'm really serious" resume, but the funny "Paul Murphy is an idiot but decent person to hire" resume.

Name: J. Paul Murphy (The little known "J")

Contact: 423 Cooper Mill rd North Augusta, SC 29860 - Yes for the next few months if you would like to mail me anything (who's going to mail me a job offer???) I'll be at my parent's house. (that's sad, I'm 24 and back living with my parents)
email- jpaulmrphy at gmail dot com (yeah I don't want more junk mail than I already get)
phone- 803-279-8659 (Ladies feel free to call for any "non buisness" related inquiries as well)

Work Experience: Chik-Fil-A- cooking and cleaning. I guess I'd make a good housewife, or maybe governement empoyee b/c I'm use to cleaning up crap for other people

The Puff- ghetto pool- watched ghetto kids swim. Non of them drowned. I'm now fluent in ebonics, and no I'm not yo babie daddy. Cleaned up more of other people's messes.

GA at HU- 3rd floor stud. My job was to sit at my desk and look beautiful while the admissions people brought prospective students around. I also did secretary type work and fixed computers. Fixed other people's messes.

Teacher- You know you really can't make fun of teaching. But I guarantee I cleaned up some messes. You can't make a joke w/o offending students, parents, or other teachers. Wait, wait... Cleaned up the mess left by parents, other teachers, and students, known as "your kids." There we go, got em all in one try. Also left messes for parents, other teachers, and students. Ooops

Qualifications- B.A. in Social Science Masters of Science in Education also good at doing cool stuff. Actually I think that's where my real strenght is- doing cool, slightly crazy- stuff. So here's my pictorial resume for someone needing someone to do cool stuff.






Sailing, ice climbing, ultimate solid.


and the bungy jump




And cleaning up messes.

So if you need someone who is semi-intellegent, semi-good looking, semi-athletic, and semi-cool then I'm your guy.

Paul "unemployed" Murphy