Unemployed
I finished up my last day of work Saturday. I checked out and turned in my keys. I'm now unemployed. I now join the other 5% of US workers watching soap operas in the morning. Sad.
So I guess I'll post my resume online for all of those who are looking for someone to employ. OK not my real "hey I'm really serious" resume, but the funny "Paul Murphy is an idiot but decent person to hire" resume.
Name: J. Paul Murphy (The little known "J")
Contact: 423 Cooper Mill rd North Augusta, SC 29860 - Yes for the next few months if you would like to mail me anything (who's going to mail me a job offer???) I'll be at my parent's house. (that's sad, I'm 24 and back living with my parents)
email- jpaulmrphy at gmail dot com (yeah I don't want more junk mail than I already get)
phone- 803-279-8659 (Ladies feel free to call for any "non buisness" related inquiries as well)
Work Experience: Chik-Fil-A- cooking and cleaning. I guess I'd make a good housewife, or maybe governement empoyee b/c I'm use to cleaning up crap for other people
The Puff- ghetto pool- watched ghetto kids swim. Non of them drowned. I'm now fluent in ebonics, and no I'm not yo babie daddy. Cleaned up more of other people's messes.
GA at HU- 3rd floor stud. My job was to sit at my desk and look beautiful while the admissions people brought prospective students around. I also did secretary type work and fixed computers. Fixed other people's messes.
Teacher- You know you really can't make fun of teaching. But I guarantee I cleaned up some messes. You can't make a joke w/o offending students, parents, or other teachers. Wait, wait... Cleaned up the mess left by parents, other teachers, and students, known as "your kids." There we go, got em all in one try. Also left messes for parents, other teachers, and students. Ooops
Qualifications- B.A. in Social Science Masters of Science in Education also good at doing cool stuff. Actually I think that's where my real strenght is- doing cool, slightly crazy- stuff. So here's my pictorial resume for someone needing someone to do cool stuff.
Sailing, ice climbing, ultimate solid.
and the bungy jump
And cleaning up messes.
So if you need someone who is semi-intellegent, semi-good looking, semi-athletic, and semi-cool then I'm your guy.
Paul "unemployed" Murphy
I finished up my last day of work Saturday. I checked out and turned in my keys. I'm now unemployed. I now join the other 5% of US workers watching soap operas in the morning. Sad.
So I guess I'll post my resume online for all of those who are looking for someone to employ. OK not my real "hey I'm really serious" resume, but the funny "Paul Murphy is an idiot but decent person to hire" resume.
Name: J. Paul Murphy (The little known "J")
Contact: 423 Cooper Mill rd North Augusta, SC 29860 - Yes for the next few months if you would like to mail me anything (who's going to mail me a job offer???) I'll be at my parent's house. (that's sad, I'm 24 and back living with my parents)
email- jpaulmrphy at gmail dot com (yeah I don't want more junk mail than I already get)
phone- 803-279-8659 (Ladies feel free to call for any "non buisness" related inquiries as well)
Work Experience: Chik-Fil-A- cooking and cleaning. I guess I'd make a good housewife, or maybe governement empoyee b/c I'm use to cleaning up crap for other people
The Puff- ghetto pool- watched ghetto kids swim. Non of them drowned. I'm now fluent in ebonics, and no I'm not yo babie daddy. Cleaned up more of other people's messes.
GA at HU- 3rd floor stud. My job was to sit at my desk and look beautiful while the admissions people brought prospective students around. I also did secretary type work and fixed computers. Fixed other people's messes.
Teacher- You know you really can't make fun of teaching. But I guarantee I cleaned up some messes. You can't make a joke w/o offending students, parents, or other teachers. Wait, wait... Cleaned up the mess left by parents, other teachers, and students, known as "your kids." There we go, got em all in one try. Also left messes for parents, other teachers, and students. Ooops
Qualifications- B.A. in Social Science Masters of Science in Education also good at doing cool stuff. Actually I think that's where my real strenght is- doing cool, slightly crazy- stuff. So here's my pictorial resume for someone needing someone to do cool stuff.
Sailing, ice climbing, ultimate solid.
and the bungy jump
And cleaning up messes.
So if you need someone who is semi-intellegent, semi-good looking, semi-athletic, and semi-cool then I'm your guy.
Paul "unemployed" Murphy
posted by Paul Murphy at
8:45 PM
4 Comments:
Hmmm... your story sounds so familiar. See you at the next job fair (or the unemployment office).
By
Unknown, at 6/04/2008 4:23 PM
I sincerely hope you proofread your resume better than your blog.
There's a couple of "help wanted" signs here in Whistler. Should I pick up some apps? They seem to prefer people with "foreign" credentials. Plus, I'm sure there's plenty of messes to clean up here in Canada.
By
Philip, at 6/04/2008 9:30 PM
Granted, this is a short-term (2-year) plan, but it's a good one.
Step 1: Move to Searcy.
Step 2: Get a job at a bank or similar business (something that pays above minimum wage, but doesn't have to be a lot).
Step 3: Find a roommate, and take advantage of cheap housing (I recommend the Stafford Apartments).
Step 4: Carefully review UPA eligibility requirements.
Step 5: Sign-up for minimum amount of classes.
Step 6: Use your last two years of eligibility and get Harding back to Regionals (Burr will be there two more years, and now plays like a stud).
Step 7: Find a girl and marry her.*
*optional
By
Luke Dockery, at 6/05/2008 7:18 AM
i'd hire you just for looking good. that's how i got my job. wink.
By
Paulo J, at 6/19/2008 1:32 PM
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