Stories of a Moron

Saturday, February 14, 2009

My Valentine's Day Rant

Valentine's Day really irks me possibly more than any other day of the year, including national prostate exam day. Ok there's not really one of those, but if there was I might enjoy it more.

On any day named after a saint I have to ask myself, "Who was St. ________, and why do we _________ because of them?"

St. Patrick- we drink green beer. What does that have to do with slavery, snakes (false), and evangelism???

Unfortunately upon further investigation there is no hard historical evidence that a St. Valentine ever existed. It's more like a tomb of the unknown soldier, except of christian martyrdom. Apparently several of the early Christian martyrs took on the title of valens or worthy. Which would actually be a really cool holiday to celebrate. So how would we celebrate. 1. Drinking red beer 2. Fighting lions in an arena 3. Reenacting early Christian martyrs deaths.

But like all good things some jerk had to go off and ruin it for the rest of us. Thanks Geoffrey Chaucer. Thanks to you British people can't spell my first name right, I've had to read terrible poetry on several occasions (Canterbury Tales), and you completely botched a really cool holiday for the rest of us. I could be drinking red beer upside down instead of watching crappy Jared commercials on ESPN. Leave it to a poet to screw things up.

Which brings me to the second reason I don't like Valentine's Day. Jewelry commercials. I'm not against all jewelry, just diamonds. I have a serious problem with the whole diamond industry. It's an industry that has been marred by near slavery conditions for imported workers, contributing to financing several civil wars in Africa (Angola, Libya, Ivory Coast, Congo x2, Sierra Leon, and Zimbabwe), a monopolistic cartel that controlled most of the world's diamonds and jacked the price sky-high, and Cecil Rhodes. All for what? So that Westerners can have a piece of jewelry. It's exploitation, and we freely participate in it. Why do you need a diamond. "Because a diamond is forever." Who came up with that crap- the same people mining them. Why are diamonds engagement rings the standard? Because DeBeers had a brilliant marketing campaign during the 1920's. Who's DeBeers? Those dirty jerks who exploit the poor, import indentured labor, funded civil wars, ran everybody else out of the market, jacked up prices by controlling the market, and founded by Cecil Rhodes (that dirty jerk). They even managed to piss off Ghandhi, though be it indirectly.

I hate it. I refuse to participate in it.

Paul "Wishing he was watching commercials about drinking red beer while being flayed" Murphy

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Plan your dive and dive your plan

Judy Shepherd taught me that one. You make a plan, then you follow it through. Judy was my SCUBA instructor years and years ago. In SCUBA diving there are a lot of things you need to plan for. Current speeds, visibility, air usage, and blood nitrogen levels. That air usage one is pretty important. It works great for diving, but not necessarily for life.

The problem is that the biggest things in life, those moments that shape us most in life, the memories we will hold forever, aren't the things we planned, but the unplanned. Nobody looks back on there life and planned their hardest and greatest memories. Which by the way, sometimes the hardest things we ever have to do are the greatest.

I've been holding on to some plans in life recently. I tried to hold on to them after they didn't work out so well. I have a problem/gift, I don't do anything at half speed. It's either all, or nothing. But when plans don't work out it leaves me flat on my face. It left me pretty bitter about stuff. But I realized something during the process.

I'll use a good scene from Gladiator to make my point.



I like the first part of the scene where Russell Crowe says, "Whatever comes out of these gates, we've got a better chance of survival if we work together." I think this is true about life and God.

What I realized is that I want to be so close to God, that it doesn't matter what comes out of the gates. That it doesn't matter what the future holds. I want to know that no matter what happens if I stick with God, I've got a certain chance of winning. And furthermore, I want God to stack the odds against me. I want an impossible fight, so that when he comes out victorious it will be that much more amazing.

Right now I don't feel like I've got much to work with and I don't know what the future holds. Sometimes I don't feel like I have the right tools to accomplish the task. Shamgar had a pointy stick, a little Jewish boy had lunch, David had three rocks, Moses had a speech impediment. The same God who moved through a plowman to kill 600 Philistines with an oxgoad and deliver his people, turned a snack into a meal for 5000, turned a shepherd into a king, and a murdering babbler into leader of his people is the same God who can work through me. He likes a challenge, and so do I.

Ephesians 6:15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.

Whatever comes out of those gates, I'll stick with God.

Paul "I'm tackling the next bear I see" Murphy

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Free

Today I woke up early. It takes a lot to get Paul Murphy out of bed by 7:00am. My alarm clock went off at 6:30. Sheesh, nobody cares how I'm going to smell at 7 in the morning. I'll just snooze past shower time. So I did.

By 7:05 I knew I was pushing it. People would be waiting for me in the BiLo parking lot at 7:15. But seriously, when have a college minister, pulpit minister, and college student ever been on time for anything. So I'll take a little more time. Surely I don't need to brush my teeth either.

7:08. Alright it time to get out of bed and get out the door. I'll put on some shower in a bottle (deodorant (took me 8 times to spell that right)) and some pants. I better put on something other than sweats. So I threw on some khakis and shirt.

7:10. It's cold outside. In fact the rain from yesterday froze my door shut on my Jeep. So I crawl in from the passenger side. Good thing I look like a hobo with a plaid jacket, messy hair, and slight odor.

7:20. I hop in a extended cab truck with Danny Vaden, Matt Fields, and Adam. Its tight but that's how fun trips go. We cut up all the way to Denny's.

Now I don't usually go to Denny's. Every time I go the service is horrible and it takes forever. I do have the notable exception of having gone to the northern most Denny's in the world though. But today was just the Denny's in Anderson.

Today I didn't care about the service, too much. In fact we waited for 30 minutes for a table and my Dr. Pepper never got refilled. But that didn't matter because my Grand Slam breakfast was free. And free tastes soooo much sweeter than normal.

Unfortunately it only further solidified the notion that Denny's food is O.K. and the service is terrible.

Paul "But who cares because free is free" Murphy

Monday, February 02, 2009

Problem

January was PACKED out with stuff. It was really good to finally have a month where I felt I could take time off and do stuff. It was pretty busy. Outback Bowl in Tampa, FL. Hanging out in L-town for a couple of days. PRAXIS II Test and Preaching the next weekend. Gulf Coast Getaway in Panama City, FL with the college group.

I finished the month up strong with a quick trip to Tennessee. I stopped in at Sam's in Knoxville after work last Thursday night and hung out with him and Mandi. I proceeded on to Nashville to spend some great time in the morning with Josh C. Then Aimee and I hung out at the Cheekwood botanical garden and art exhibit; which sounds pretty gay and whipped, but in my defense it was the $1 per person option of stuff to do in Nashvegas. It was a cheap way to do something interesting but really I just wanted to hang out with Aimee so back off. Then we had dinner (Great pick Kevin) and hung out at her friend's house and then I drove home. Long Friday but hey, I had to be back at work on Saturday. Fantastic way to spend my one day off.

New thought so I'll add some extra space.

I always thought I'd know when I was doing God's will. I always thought that God had a plan for me. I always thought that when I was doing what God wanted me to it would be absolutely clear and evident that I was following the right path. It seems that every time I heard of someone talking about following God that at some point they knew they were making the right decisions because of all the cool stuff that happened to them. Somebody considers moving to a new place, but there not sure, and all of the sudden the perfect job opens up and they're making like $80,000 a year.

I don't have the perfect job. I'm not making $80,000 a year. I'm continually past up for jobs. I'm to the point that I get about one rejection email a week now.

So here's my problem. Why am I working for $10/hr at a sporting goods store?

I hope its not true but the answers that keep creeping into my mind are either
A: I really am not good enough for any of the other jobs I've applied for
B: I'm not in the right place

Paul "I could use some better answers" Murphy