Stories of a Moron

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Free Agent

I've decided to go into free agency here in the off season this summer break. I guess I've been playing too much Madden football. In the game I've got to decide who to recruit and and sign and stuff. When you sign people they have certain preferences and stuff. Like some guys are just in it for the money. Others want to be on a winning team.

I guess I'm like Michael Turner. Who's Michael Turner? A few weeks ago Michael Turner teamed up with Ladanian Thomlinson to score five touchdowns for the San Diego Chargers. LT scored 5 of them.

Does your ministry need someone to help out? Here's my Free Agency Resume'

J. Paul Murphy
684-699-5184

Looking for a ministry that needs somebody to help out. Tent maker style; no salary required.
Ministry needs to be motivated, not real conservative, and have a young adults program of some sort. College ministries are also very appealing. Low cost of living is prefered. Availibility of roommates is also a bonus.

Old, ultra-conservative, restrictive ministries need not apply.

What matters to me?

Church atmosphere: 15%
Church that has a need: 30 %
Availibility of cronies: 20%
Availibility of disc action: 15%
Me able to find a job teaching in the area: 20%

I'll admit, there's a reason people move into free agency. Sometimes you don't need a backup running back anymore. And that's pretty much what I bring to the table. Backup runningback ability. Need somebody to come in after your starter has racked up 130 yards? I'm your man. Want somebody free to work at youth ministry? Professional? No. Murphycheap. Show nough.

So if your ministry is tight on change and needs a little help, drop me a line.


Paul "free agent" Murphy

I should be Paul "Secret Agent" Murphy

10 Comments:

  • "I've decided to go into free agency here in the off season this summer break."

    By "here", do you mean in AmSam? Because, although I'm spectacularly ignorant about the church over there, I'm assuming that would narrow down your choices quite a bit.

    Besides, youth ministry is overrated.

    By Blogger Luke Dockery, at 11/15/2007 10:38 PM  

  • There are eleven congregations in Las Vegas. Work may be available. As to space...we're talking seven months from now...things change pretty quickly out here.

    Will I be here though? I don't know. I have a couple things up in the air at the moment.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11/15/2007 10:49 PM  

  • you're awesome. i just wanted to let you know. and when i saw your phone number, it looked weird to me because it had one number more than spanish numbers. i guess that's what acculturation does for you. ;) oh yeah, you're awesome.

    By Blogger Paulo J, at 11/16/2007 7:44 AM  

  • are you serious?
    -Burnsey

    If so we should talk.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11/16/2007 9:14 AM  

  • P,

    you are in the prime of your life and thus need to act fast...life primes do not last very long. As such you need to be a bit more obvious with your requirements as it is going to take too long for people to figure it out:
    Church atmosphere (do hot chicks come along): 15%
    Church that has a need (for a single guy as it is overwhlemed with hot single woman): 30 %
    Availibility of cronies (i.e. guys that can hook up a relationship retard with a hot chick): 20%
    Availibility of disc action (and by disc action I am in no way implying that I prefer the company of guys.....am I?): 15%
    Me able to find a job teaching in the area: 20%

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11/16/2007 11:32 AM  

  • Not here on the island. I meant this summer.

    Stephen getting out of the desert?? EXCELLENT!

    Also not just youth ministry; I'm up for whatever. I'll even preach on fifth sundays or whatever. Surely I can just copy years of chapel devos.
    Hannaniah, Azzuriah, and Mishiael.

    By Blogger Paul Murphy, at 11/17/2007 1:42 PM  

  • Getting out of the desert? Umm...Paul....you might find fairly odd the two things up in the air. Both effectively are just trading one sort of desert for another. Pieces of land with water on all sides can be a different sort of desert although the one I have i mind would be in a very different direction for me.

    If you want to come out here to Las Vegas there are all sorts of teacher vacancies. The district has a hard time hiring and retaining staff. There are eleven congregations locally for a cappella Church of Christ settings as well as one Independent Christian Church/Instrumental Churches of Christ megachurch. There would be a role out here for you somewhere probably.

    The congregation I am at has few dating prospects. The congregation's membership does include kin of one of your congregation's two elders. The smallest congregation I am aware of still has about 70-100 members. Due to the highly transient nature of the population here even if there is no role for you it would not likely take long for something to open up.

    Just a few thoughts. I may follow up with a DVD in the mail to ya. Only time will tell, though.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11/17/2007 4:23 PM  

  • The Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah chapel devo was one of the best ever.

    By Blogger Luke Dockery, at 11/18/2007 6:13 AM  

  • I'm as serious as ear puss on this one. Anybody? Anybody???

    By Blogger Paul Murphy, at 11/18/2007 10:27 PM  

  • Opportunity in Charleston:

    Church atmosphere: Just go ahead and count off 15% here. There's not much goin.
    Church that has a need: There's a need, although I'm not sure what it is.
    Availibility of cronies: Your other brother. Mom's cooking is 3 hours away and available with every visit. And you can tell me if Amber and I fight less than Philip and Jaime.
    Availibility of disc action: Spring, Summer and Fall Leagues.
    Me able to find a job teaching in the area: Burke High School if you want ghetto. Summerville if you say you want to teach somewhere with a decent football program.

    I don't recall the Hannaniah chapel talk. Perhaps you could come up with a tape. You find. I'll buy.

    Ear Pus. That's serious stuff.

    By Blogger Josh M, at 11/20/2007 4:37 PM  

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