Almost done.
First the blog should be looking pretty different in the next week or so.
Parental love. Parents love their children. Why? As a child I don't really know. I wasn't exactly the perfect child. I whined more than I should. I've spun my fair share of tales. I've brought home a few bad report cards. But through it all my parents still love me just as much as ever. That being said I need to call my mother. I also would say that most children tend to return that love in some form at some point in their life. When my parents are old and decrepit I will certainly make sure they are taken care of. Even after they whine a lot about back pain, lie to me about what the nurse said, and bring home bad report cards from the nursing home.
Do my parents have to love me? Now that is a good question. Ever since I was eleven my parents have taken in foster children. Children whose own parents apparently didn't love them as much as my parents loved me. Children whose parents abused them, starved them, and managed to have them addicted to cocaine before they were even born. Do parents have to love their children? No they don't. Many don't.
Parental love is something special. I guess the opposite Well I'm not real sure what the opposite would be. I'm sure its bad.
I love the description of God as "Father." Parallels between God and my Dad. Israelites did bad things God punished them. Check. God listens to your problems. Check. God doesn't always do what I ask because he's thinking of what's best for me. Check. God forgives me when I screw up. Check. God makes sure I have enough to eat and I'm not living in a box. Check. God will let me fall into the deepest darkest place if that's the path I choose. Check. God will come get me when I'm ready to leave that place. Check.
Here's the payoff. God's love is "unconditional" so we say. We were lost in sin and he did what was needed to rescue us. God loves me. God loves you, whoever you are. In fact God sacrificed part of himself so you could be with him. And God loves you no matter what path you choose. But here's the kicker for me, God doesn't have to love you or me. Every day, every hour, God loves me. After I mess up God still chooses to love me; he doesn't have to. He wants to.
And there is the crux of the last few weeks of boring posts. Love is a choice. At every level. We choose who our friends our. We choose who we pursue a deeper relationships with. We choose who we marry. And we choose whether or not to love your children. Love is a choice. I think our culture thinks it's something else. Movies tell us about "True love." "Death cannot stop true love only delay it for a while." Baloney. There's no such thing as "True love;" this surpassing love that can never end. I think people think that if they have a certain type of love for somebody it will never end. False. It can end because it is a choice. Why are our divorce rates so high? People choose to stop loving their spouses, for one reason or another; they give up.
Don't give up. And if you have given up, go back. Find the strength to choose to love again. I've had a lot of friends give up and stop loving each other in the last few years. I'm tired of it. So to Joel and Katie; Kevin and Kalli; Lauren and Jeff: You made a choice once to love each other forever, make it again.
Paul "I don't mean to be condescending" Murphy
First the blog should be looking pretty different in the next week or so.
Parental love. Parents love their children. Why? As a child I don't really know. I wasn't exactly the perfect child. I whined more than I should. I've spun my fair share of tales. I've brought home a few bad report cards. But through it all my parents still love me just as much as ever. That being said I need to call my mother. I also would say that most children tend to return that love in some form at some point in their life. When my parents are old and decrepit I will certainly make sure they are taken care of. Even after they whine a lot about back pain, lie to me about what the nurse said, and bring home bad report cards from the nursing home.
Do my parents have to love me? Now that is a good question. Ever since I was eleven my parents have taken in foster children. Children whose own parents apparently didn't love them as much as my parents loved me. Children whose parents abused them, starved them, and managed to have them addicted to cocaine before they were even born. Do parents have to love their children? No they don't. Many don't.
Parental love is something special. I guess the opposite Well I'm not real sure what the opposite would be. I'm sure its bad.
I love the description of God as "Father." Parallels between God and my Dad. Israelites did bad things God punished them. Check. God listens to your problems. Check. God doesn't always do what I ask because he's thinking of what's best for me. Check. God forgives me when I screw up. Check. God makes sure I have enough to eat and I'm not living in a box. Check. God will let me fall into the deepest darkest place if that's the path I choose. Check. God will come get me when I'm ready to leave that place. Check.
Here's the payoff. God's love is "unconditional" so we say. We were lost in sin and he did what was needed to rescue us. God loves me. God loves you, whoever you are. In fact God sacrificed part of himself so you could be with him. And God loves you no matter what path you choose. But here's the kicker for me, God doesn't have to love you or me. Every day, every hour, God loves me. After I mess up God still chooses to love me; he doesn't have to. He wants to.
And there is the crux of the last few weeks of boring posts. Love is a choice. At every level. We choose who our friends our. We choose who we pursue a deeper relationships with. We choose who we marry. And we choose whether or not to love your children. Love is a choice. I think our culture thinks it's something else. Movies tell us about "True love." "Death cannot stop true love only delay it for a while." Baloney. There's no such thing as "True love;" this surpassing love that can never end. I think people think that if they have a certain type of love for somebody it will never end. False. It can end because it is a choice. Why are our divorce rates so high? People choose to stop loving their spouses, for one reason or another; they give up.
Don't give up. And if you have given up, go back. Find the strength to choose to love again. I've had a lot of friends give up and stop loving each other in the last few years. I'm tired of it. So to Joel and Katie; Kevin and Kalli; Lauren and Jeff: You made a choice once to love each other forever, make it again.
Paul "I don't mean to be condescending" Murphy
posted by Paul Murphy at
7:38 PM
4 Comments:
I think the opposite of love is really apathy. I think of all the families I saw while on OB/GYN. I saw new parents that wanted to know everything they could know to take care of their new child. I also saw young women who were more interested in what was on TV than they were in the new baby they just brought into the world. One of my classmates had a patient who was upset because she found out she was pregnant too late to have an abortion. Along those same lines, I've see children abandon their parents in the hospital. For every family member I've seen ask for a blanket so they can sleep in an uncomfortable hospital chair, I've seen another person lie alone in bed when their family lives only a few miles away.
I guess when we ignore our duty to love we are diminished. It's easier to become cold and hard and to lose some of the humanity that makes us care.
By
DK, at 11/08/2007 9:07 PM
Speaking as an old married woman, a mom, a social worker, and whatever-else I am - to me the opposite of love is selfishness. O The parent who does with less (or without) to make sure their child has the food they need; who sets limits and standards of behavior and then takes the time to actually implement them; the wife that comes home from work and still fixes dinner for her husband / family because she wants whats good for them - that's love in action. And every act of love not only requires a decision, it also requires effort. On the flip side you get the wife who says she isn't in love with with her husband anymore because she doesn't get that "butterfly feeling in her stomach anymore when he walks in the room, the parent who constantly gives in to their child's demands because it's "too hard" to enforce the rules of proper social behavior, and (in my line of work) the family members who never come to visit, call, send a card or gift, or even a picture of themselves to their disabled family member who constantly asks us about their family because "it's too hard for me to see them this way". Real love takes effort - it's work - and the satisfaction is in the growth of love as you work together - the pride of seeing the result of your efforts in the lives of those you love.
By
renee, at 11/09/2007 6:16 PM
Paul,
Good post. Love is definitely a choice.
For the most part, I think it is a fairly recent cultural development where we feel that who we marry is determined by a feeling that we can't control.
Marriages were more successful when people didn't get to choose who they were marrying at all…they could only choose to love the people who have been chosen for them.
By
Luke Dockery, at 11/09/2007 11:54 PM
Dear Paul,
Sometimes your rants are off the mark and wrong.
This wasn't one of those times.
By
Josh M, at 11/10/2007 9:35 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home